今天上班很累， 午餐的时候去逛店. 逛到比较清静的五楼一家茶店, 名字叫T2. 这是家很别致的店铺, 几十种茶按红茶,绿茶,煎茶和花茶分类, 每一类有十来样装在小杯中, 客人可以细看茶叶与花瓣的色泽, 提起来闻其香气. 我喜欢喝绿茶抹茶, 闻则喜欢闻花茶, 喜欢看各色的花瓣在透明的玻璃瓶中舒展舞动, 像刚刚睡醒的小公主幸福地伸着懒腰. 店里正好有一款花茶泡着可以试喝, 是橙与花瓣的煎茶(tisanes), 浓烈而又甜美, 一看标签叫mardi gras. 非常刺激的名字, 不适合. 接下来看到的是睡得香(sleep tight), 不用想就知道是有安神作用的茶, 也一定会有薰衣草, 好在用量不多. 薄荷茶(mad about mint)的味很重, 喝起来不一定好喝. 还有纯玫瑰花蕾(rose bud)泡出的茶居然不是玫瑰色的, 挺奇怪的, 要不是被泡太多次了? 不管是什麽颜色放在那么美的壶中感觉还是很好.

店 里四周都是架子, 架子上有各种茶壶, 茶杯. 店主一定是好茶之人, 好茶之人一定是清闲之人, 清闲之人有时间有情调. 虽然这店里的与正宗的茶艺馆名茶坊的茶和精品店的瓷器还有一定距离, 但满足我这样的门外汉(没有特别的嗅觉味觉可以分辨茶优劣)是绰绰有余的了. 幸福的我抱着新的茶壶与一包名叫神物铺子(Botanica)的花瓣走出了店, 乖乖地回去上班, 想象着壶中腾起的热气...
www.T2tea.com requires flash

与V一家去City找地方吃午餐, 绕了许久才绕到唐人街. 没地方停车. 要有人留在车里, 才能保住暂时的车位. 胃饿得已经痛了, 去饼屋买了些面包, 回到车里等她父母买东西回来. V开始读<启示录>, 我从第六章接着念, 念到揭开印的羔羊, 吹号的天使, 巨大的蝗虫, 滚滚而来的浓烟和火把一样陨落的星星, 仿佛看到火焰中无数双求救的手. 海中, 地上和天上, 刹那间充满了神的愤怒. 有祸了!有祸了! 住在地上的人! 抬头看看满街匆匆来往的行人, 拥挤的街道, 越读越难过. 回到家,打开新闻, 看到的是一个又一个触目惊心的大地震, 车祸, 火灾, 海啸, 让我不由想起了刚刚读过经文:
Rev 11:18
The nations raged, but your wrath came, and the time for the dead to be judged, and for rewarding your servant, the prophets and saints, and those who fear your name, both small and great, and for destroying the destroyers of the earth.
The God's temple in heaven was opened, and the ark of his covenant was seen within his temple. There were flashes of lightening, rumblings, peals of thunder, an earthquake, and heavy hail.
而我唯一能做的就是低头祷告.

Watch List:
1) 可可西里 kekexili
2) 加菲猫 Garfield Movie
3) 韩剧 恋爱中的女人
4) Spiderman II
5) King Arthur
6) 韩剧 谁都有秘密
7) 韩剧 神父教育
8) Shakespeare in love
9) Cinema: Phantom of Opera
10) Cinema: Ocean's Twelve
need to change order now, coz Li just gave me MARS (戰神). 21 chapters, even longer than its comic version!

断断续续做了很多梦，像真的故事一样。 真得好像只有醒来前那一段是假的， 那些已开始变得模糊的前因后果都是真的。
他要走了， 去英国读一个学位。 哗啦啦的一片碎声， 满地都是心。 也许我心的碎片摔出的形状很奇怪， 他查觉出了什麽。于是就去买了一本厚厚的书， 交到我手中, 我读了一遍书名， 很深奥没有看懂。 他说， 想我的时候，就读这本书吧。 我装作很喜欢的样子将书翻了翻， 我怎么读得懂？
后 来， 他还没离开， 去那么远的地方去那么久一定需要准备很多事。 我拿出书， 因为忘了书名， 又将封面上的字念了一遍， 努力记住它。 翻开第一页， 白白地一个字也没留下。 哪怕一句话也好呀， 什麽好好学习，天天向上啦。 叹气。。。 第二页，哦， 我的名字，自己用 蓝色笔在右下角签的。 书是属于我的， 没有人可以拿走。 可是，我什麽时候已经想过他？ 是什麽时候已经无聊地翻动过哪本书？ 他可真聪明， 选了这样一本书。
梦中的我, 有些犹豫, 好想放下一切也去英国. 因为害怕几年后， 这本书变得破破烂烂，边角都毛掉。。。思念太漫长太无奈.
亲愛的上帝, 感謝您讓我看到他, 感謝你在聖誕節給我的夢, 雖然不是真的, 但與現實好像, 終於還是離我遠去了. 我們都是不喜歡解釋的人. 也不想留下什麼在對方心中.

想到了飞鸟和鱼，
想到了终究是海与天的间隔。
永远在两个世界。
离开了水， 鱼无法生活，
而你，也不敢冒险来鱼的世界。

Merry Christmas!

Liking nebula and cosmic belt visualization while the music is playing.

感谢主
教我们如何爱人
当我们真真正正地屈膝跪在你面前， 承认你是我主时
我们就有了新的生命，就有了喜悦

我原本有很长很长的毛, 主人怕我夏天热, 帮我剃掉了.

I bet all my happiness is from the rain, like a deluge pulling on my head.

天空为什麽不下雨？
为什麽总说有可能有可能，但总是不能？

每天到家， 将一天搜集到的人统统从包里倒出来。先将那些僵僵的木制人丢掉， 再将'好人'和'坏人'分开， 放在天平两边秤一下。 看着指针往往是朝一边猛倒， '好人'又赢了， 你是不是不该再难过了？
你看！
坏人说一句， 你就七窍生烟。 好人帮你十次， 你才意识到。
其实好人很多的！

朋友說我的文字有幾米的味道. 是否看了很多他的作品. 很疑惑, 是什麽味道?今年新年gg送的一本畫冊, 也是唯一一本. 所以這些天有空就找他的书,新聞和採訪. 驚奇發現,除了他與我家貓貓同名外, 他的想法的確和我的很相似, 他的<履历表>和我8年前就开始写的那些好像.(切记,8年前'同学录'还很盛行). 他很幸运, 对于创作者来说, 幸运就是能有灵感的时候有时间, 有时间的时候有工具...
没有见过幾米本人, 见到后我可能会给他看一模一样的文字和心情. 有共鸣会是多开心的事, 平时零零碎碎地收集, 这次大把捞了, 真应好好谢谢. 当然不会与他理论,是谁先是谁后了. :D
有很多很多人和你一起感受着这个世界, 或多或少会有同样想法.
笔者写了, 画者将它们画了, 你读你看去认同, 这就是 共鸣.

我相信地球上是有心灵相犀的陌生人
我相信地球上也有指纹一样的人
只是不一定找得到.

Wishing list for this week:
a new diary
几米 履历表
see merboy(y?)

写blog, 千万要匿名, 千万不能牵涉到熟人,家人,过去人nor未来人. 反正有可能是真的人和物, 一概隐退. Post一些新闻啦,趣事啦, 或者某某人说, 某某网页转载. 说话要说得模稜两可, 虚虚实实含含糊糊, 最佳. 一词多义且要一语双关, 没人（凡人）能了解你在写什麽, 乃是最高境界. 因为你若试图明明了了地表达, 会被人误解; 若认认真真地写, 别人却两行并三行地读, 再扭曲成他们想要的意思. 反正大家都习惯了真真假假, 倒过来也不过假假真真.
所以, 我想我还是改写科幻小说比较好.

Hydro Majestic Hotel, Blue Mountains.

Holding a Joseph Itten color wheel and making inaccurate match is so surreal. Same as the clock.

不知這一生還能見你幾次...

Moonchild

坐在海邊的岩石上, 雙手抱膝, 卷成一團. 看一層層舖延過來的潮水, 飛起的浪和成群的海鷗. 想給coogee起中文名, 枯寂, 苦姬, 哭季...想來想去都是悲傷的名字. 常常來, 成了習慣, 同一個時間. 很少會遇到熟人(除了幾個必定會去的人), 天漸漸暗下, 有人跑步, 有人溜狗, 有人看海, 沒有人會在意別人, 所以很自由. 喜歡爬石頭, 爬到沒有人能在上面刻我愛你的石頭上, 每次選不同的路徑, 口袋里的鑰匙隨著我的腳步叮噹著. 不知哪一天我會厭煩她的景色, 不願再來而換去另一個海邊...記得剛來到這裡, 父親說澳洲有三個B最多, beaches, banks and ? 無論如何想不起第三個了, bus? bay? 我下個選擇的會是哪個海灘, 或是搬去哪個小島? 每天無止境地看海, 不知道時間, 直到老去, 這能稱為一種幸福嗎? 神會不會因此責怪我的懶惰? 我對人生的敷衍? 也許, 我也只能夢想.
看小鳥, 看野草, 看樹木, 我們還是不同的.
18日:今天的海邊, 有上上下下的火把, 很多人圍著看, 吹著口哨拍著手. 海變成了渾濁的深藍, 沒有一點星光. 喧鬧可以掩蓋一切.

遇见不遇见
早上去Toshiba, 巧遇同學G, 剛剛結束24小時連夜coding, 居然還能保持滿臉天真可愛的笑容, 步伐平穩, 佩服佩服.
3人輪番面試, 把我所知的unix/linux知識逼問得所剩無幾. 哈哈,中文版的linux叫redflag紅旗. 真想回他們一句'想當年我是它的一角'...
花了20分鐘, 找到回程的巴士, 發誓要去考L牌; 45分鍾後車開到QVB, 我一覺醒來, 又領悟到公車的好; 如果開車的我, 說不定正浩浩蕩蕩地開往Newcastle.
下午回家睡了一覺, 夢到開始寫程序的工作, team member中有Mazz的姊姊, (mazz是高中最好的朋友, 智利人, 兩年前嫁為人婦), 由於太想她, 夢里抱著她姊姊大哭.
3點被電話吵醒, 去還dvd, 又租了一堆. 每次走在大學區的路上總會遇到認識的人.
視力不好, 等我看清了臉,想起了名字, 卻已擦身而過, 後悔萬分. 畢竟人家是半年前教過我的tutor, 不打招呼真沒禮貌. 以後走路, 決定低頭數米, 絕不東看西看, 免得被沒看見/沒認出的人看到.

電影影射部份的我們-過往,愧疚,無奈, 和脆弱不可击那一部份心靈. 電影真好, 看完了舒一口氣, 沒有人死, 沒有欺騙, 沒有實在的因果. 子彈只是不會穿腸而過無痛無痒的道具. 假的, 假的. 可是我不是電影中的人, 犯的錯是真的彌補不了, 就算我有一根有魔法能救人的手指又能挽回得了什麼?
人說上帝原諒你, 可祂是第三者, 祂原諒我有什麼用?

Made enormous amount of Sushi rolls today with Maggie. Thought was too many, but glad that 10 people(expected/unexpected friends) came to help me to finish them. So i can keep my sober diet..
Took a photo of our 'master pieces' and sent to my uncle who lived in Japan for 15 years. He had a look on my Australian style mayo-lettuce-avocado-prawn-carrot-egg-stuffed Sushi and flabbergasted :P And insists to teach me how to make real ones next time. Maybe with a piece of sour apricot or caviar? I found it's hard to keep the raw ingredients fresh whilst more varieties was desired.

给居无定所人和舍不得分离的人。
For someone who is a wandering traveller, but unfortunately has a unwavering heart for friends or family, there is a good option:
Bring their photos with you wherever you go,
and show them the pictures of your journey or wherever you are.
Do not let them miss you too much....

柏楊写了一篇关于肯尼亚布鲁野生动物园的一只母狮照顾一只有羚羊的文章. 我曾看过SBS上的纪录片.引开了关于"人苦不自知"的话题, 和当今社会中的个体错位的现象.
现在社会中已没有一个朋友可以诚实地告诉你, 在他们眼中, 你是什麽. 唯一的办法,只有自己经常去静静的水边, 照照自己的嘴脸, 在这个时候才能看出本来面目: 到底是一只狮子,还是一只羊? 是吃肉的, 还是吃草的?
一个人占错的位置, 真是一种罪恶.
一只'狮化'的羊, 它背负着狮子的重担, 重担的压力将使它神经错乱, 行动诡异. 而一头'羊化'的狮子, 它会发现它被弱化, 当咩咩叫的时候, 它最亲密的同伴对它都不会认同, 只会嘲笑它, 使它孤立无助.
人 类族群中, 各式各样的角色分别混在一起, 有些是狮子,有些是羊, 有些则是乱七八糟的其他动物.人类奇特的地方在于只限于内心的不同, 外形却十分相似. 虽然有比一般动物更高的智慧,有时难以认清自己. 我暂时也想不出什麽解决办法, 除了去照X光, 看看里面是什麽.

昨天恰巧翻到三毛的 <稻草人手记> ( 也因为几天前又和人争论到底有没有荷西这个人的存在. ) 有一段挺好玩:

我再说，自我出生以来，就明白了我个人的真相，我虽然在表面上看去，并不比一般人长得难看或不相同，其实不然透了。
　　"我--是--假--的。"我不但是假的，里面还是空的，不但是空的，我空得连幅壁画都没有。我没有脑筋，没有心肠，没有胆子，没有骨气，是个真真的大洞口。
...
　　我并不喜欢做空心的人，因为里面空荡荡的，老是站不住，风一吹，旁人无意间一碰，或是一枝小树枝拂了我，我就毫无办法地跌倒在地上，爬也爬不起来。
　　我自小到十四岁，老是跌来跌去，摔得鼻青眼肿，别人看了老是笑我，我别的没有，泪腺和脾气倒是很争气，只要一跌，它们就来给我撑面子。
十四年来，我左思右想，这样下去，不到二十岁，大概也要给跌死了，如果不想早死，只有另想救命的法子。
　　我干什么才好呢？想来想去，只有学学那批不要脸的小日本邻居们--做小偷。
　　这个世界上那么大，又那么挤，别人现成的东西多得是，我东摸一把，西偷一点，填在我的空洞洞里，日子久了，不就成了吗？
　　这决定一下，我就先去给照了一张X光片子。
　　医生看了一下，说："是真空的，居然活了十四年，可敬之至。"
　　我刷一顺手抽了那张空片子，逃回家来，将它塞到床下面去存档案。
　　二十年后再去照它一张，且看看到时候将是不是一条货真价实的好汉。
　　我因为没有心，没有胆子，所以意志一向很薄弱，想当小偷的事是日本人给的灵感，却没有真正地去进行过，任着自己度着漫无目的的岁月。"

序言 三毛
　　麦田已经快收割完了，农夫的孩子拉着稻草人的衣袖，说："来，我带你回家去休息吧！"
　　稻草人望了望那一小片还在田里的麦子，不放心地说："再守几天吧，说不定鸟儿们还会来偷食呢!"
　　孩子回去了，稻草人孤孤单单地守着麦田。
　　这时躲藏着的麻雀成群地飞了回来，毫不害怕地停在稻草人的身上，他们叽叽喳喳地嘲笑着他："这个傻瓜，还以为他真能守麦田呢？他不过是个不会动的草人罢了!"
　　说完了，麻雀张狂地啄着草人的帽子，而这个稻草人，像没有感觉似的，直直地张着自己枯瘦的手臂，眼睛望着那一片金黄色的麦田，当晚风拍打着他单薄的破衣服时，竟露出了那不变的微笑来。

转载：

就象柯本说的一样"我对改变人们不抱任何希望。当我还是孩子时，我接收到了朋克音乐中政治反叛性的一面，就象是吸入一口新鲜空气一样，我觉得我们将能够改 造全人类，能作一些实实在在的事。但是在最近几年，我不仅意识到我们无法影响人们的主流部分，而且我也失去了什么拯救他们的兴趣：他们根本就不配这个. "

　　这部电影改编自艾文.威尔士1993年同名畅销小说；成本仅二百五十万美金，拍摄时间49天。

　　从一出炉，它就成为了舆论的焦点。不仅因为在这部低成本影片中对海洛因吸食极为细致的描写，更由于片中所充斥的堕落情绪——伦敦的影评人说这部影片使人想要“以身试毒”。当然影片的导演并不承认，他认为影片后部对毒瘾来临时的痛苦描写是很客观的。

　　事实上，整部影片的态度与其说是客观不如说是冷漠。影片以第一人称作为叙事角度，完全在主人公的叙述中展开情节,隐藏影片的立场;而在本来已十分松散 的结构中随意终止叙述加入评论，分析甚至跨时空的追忆；这种纯主观的手法不仅使人耳目一新，也十分贴切影片的基调，从而以后的同类型影片屡屡采用,几乎成 为固定模式.

　　开场白很有意思呢.:"...大电视.健身器.富特轿车.朝九晚五...选择...太多选择.你选择什么?我选择不选择.”广角镜头跟拍配之以城市街 景和Iggy Pop的音乐。影片的展开部分则完全是以瑞顿为首的一小撮颓废青年的生活实景　片中瑞顿过量吸食毒品后精神恍惚，昏倒在街头的段落以浪漫主义的高速摄影处 理，背景配以Loud Reed宁静的《One Perfect Day》，极写吸毒后的快感；随之而来的戒毒过程则用超现实主义手法表现，以嘈杂的电子乐配合色彩极不和谐的画面构成感官刺激；与上一段落形成强烈对比。 这些描写怪诞而又真实，堪称经典.

　　它又叫《迷幻列车》,忘记说了.这是摇滚入门电影啊,应该知道的.trainspotting是一种苏格兰的游戏。猜测下一班经过的火车的终点和班 次，是一种无聊人的游戏。在这里隐射Renton他们的生活。另一点。吸毒的人在手臂上注射留下的针孔就被称为trainspotting,导演多聪明 啊.呵呵~~

George Gershwin/Jascha Heifetz 'It Ain't Necessarily So'
Wandered alternately between torrents and calm, then days are riven. And yes, it ain't necessarily so...

不知是感动还是愧疚， 谢谢你将伞给我，自己淋雨回家。我回去时雨已停，雨大的是刚才你走的路。

胖胖的老鼠从高速公路的阴沟洞中爬出来， 一半身子在外， 一半在里面。 它看到一个长得很像我的人，肚子朝天地躺在那里， 旁边有一块竖着的牌子， 写着：原来人也可以像老鼠一样。
第二天， 它又从另一个洞中爬出来，发现是一个小岛， 它就美美地在上面睡了一觉。 早上醒来， 发现因为睡相不好， 作为床垫的小岛移了位， 头浸到了水里。
第三天， 它跑到了别人认真工作的办公室， 有人朝它笑还打招呼， 但那人很快虚伪地把东西搬去一边，逃开了。
第四天, 我才发现它的失踪, 没有它, 我的电脑和IKEA的假电脑一样不会翻动.

你是靠感受爬行的动物， 少了触角你就没有了灵魂。

今天是夏令时改动的日子，本来就少了一个小时睡觉，但约好了W, 一起去Kingsford 的Sunday market买仙人球, 所以要更早起身.
去 得太早, 小摊们刚刚把摊子摆好. 太阳很大也很热. 我们寻找着漂亮的植物, 后来遇到一个戴着帽子的太太, 她的门前有很多小棵的盆栽, 有仙人掌, 石榴花和有些还带着露珠, 很秀气的紫罗兰. 因为我是很挑剔的人， 我是来买仙人球的, 可那太太花了四年才长大开花的长刺白琅玉，美针玉和天照球我怎么也看不上眼。 更不喜欢长得像毒瘤那些，只喜欢简单的, 选了半天都定不下来. 那时已是8点37分， 站在一边的丈夫(老伯)说你们有时间的话去我家看吧， 手上已提了两盆的我还很贪心， 就拖着耐心的W和E一起去他们的家了....

这也是我第一次在别人的家的花园呆住, 我从没见过这么多的盆里种的植物, 上上下下有近千盆. 有些显然已长到了它们的盛期, 有些是刚刚摘下准备嫁接的, 有矮矮却已挂满果实的草莓树, 有细细的珍珠柳, 还有俗气的招财树. 老伯一边介绍一边教给我们养花的技巧. 而且不是‘种花’而是‘养花’, 也不是为了卖钱才养的, 他看到喜欢花的人就开心。 他还说仙人球是生命力很强的植物,需要很少的照顾, 在澳洲这个环境下是没有理由种不好的,也就是说适合我这样的懒人种.
我开始想象外公若有这样一个大大的后院, 他会有多幸福. 想到了他的吊兰, 妈妈帮他刻的水仙, 陈洁咪经常啃的那棵芦荟... 种花种草是我的梦想...
L是不喜欢的, 和我说要养小猫时一样, 她说你先把自己养好再说..我说我已经把自己养得白白胖胖了..
她又说, 我不管, 只要你保证不会有虫爬出来, 嗯....我想虫虫们应该更愿意和土在一起吧.

今天去买了用完的warm yellow, cold red and white.
这样基本上所有的颜色都可以调出来了. 暖色可以安抚心情, 专心地配色可以让我忘记一切.
俐下午回家， 看见桌上的一大堆的画画东西， 急急忙忙地跑进我的房间，
问我，are you ok? 她知道我一般是不会画画的, 除非我十分烦躁时...
这样一幅画，谁都可以涂出来, 也可以编织出许多故事。
原来有一个很好的故事的,
但现在心情又很差,
好想在无谓的喧闹中一直游戏下去,
现实的世界也同样无聊.

Let it grow.

I extracted some notes from so far I have read and typed them up.
http://tabura.focuser.net/archives/002437.html

I still don't know what happened to you during last 2 years of uni.
I think your grade is much better than me...what else? pressure from assignment??? career???
And you have your both parents on your graduation day, you said you are NOT happy??!!!!
How could you say that?!!!
I wish one of my parents could be there, then I will certainly go to my OWN graduation!
silly you! Treasure what you have!!
Are you happy to make me frustrated??

TO S,
Due the extremely busy schedule this week and the lack of sleep, I couldn't check each comment on my blog and reply in time. I did read your last comment yesterday and was vexed. Don't know how to reply but it doesn't mean I neglected it.

I was in Kinokuniya bookshop today and spent an hour to read and choose a Christian book on the topic "Why evil and suffering in this world". I'm not sure I bought the right book so please allow me some time to read and digest it. If you want to read the whole book, I can give to you when you come. I can also mail it to you if you send me your postal address to my email.

I will wear that fate tomorrow.

Why babies cry in the middle of the sermon? Will they get frightened to see so many people in the congregation? May be they scare of those heads trying to sneak up on them and squeeze their hands? oh.. if I have a baby, I will prefer to stay in creche, much safer ...

Inspiration from a cup of extremely bitter macchiato:
coffee and milk

Coffee can be coffee if there is only coffee,
Coffee can be coffee if you add milk in.
milk is helper and sugar is love, happiness is vaporising in the air,
but without sugar, it can still be coffee.

Macchiato is a quite arrogant exception,
it does have milk foam on top of it but barely mix up with them.

回答：不告诉你
连着两天， 被不同的人以这句话将我一把推开。两个我视为最亲近的人。
第一次听到时， 很难受， 把自己关在房间里。
第二次听到时， 更难受， 只想快快逃出那间房间。

没什麽大不了的事， 不懂为何要隐瞒。 根本是无关痛痒的事， 非要另一方听了难受才去说（可能我理解错了，很多时候是我太在乎）。 若真的不想讲， 请支吾一下， 我也会会意。若真的不能讲的事，你这样回答我不会介意。

很多人不喜欢坦诚去面对人， 双手交叉地挡在胸前， 无心中保留着距离。
而没有大智慧的人， 有时一激动就将自己大大小小的秘密全都抖出来了。 反而看看我曾经交往过的和现在周围的一些朋友， 他们都将自己保护地很好， 点头微笑地看着你，看着你在不知不觉中将自己剥得一丝不挂。
自闭症是这个社会的产物， 对人应该很小气。

Personality Test Does it work?
My result is ISFP. Then I would be along with Picasso.
But Katie insisted I am an INFP according to her observation. So a Homer?
Noticed that Missionary is one of the career preferences in INFP page? wahoo!

And the psychologist said the happiness in fact is made up of:
50% genetic
30% doing what you want to do
10% relationship
10% wealth

Then we had a huge debate on depression/eating disorder because someone didn't agree with factor of DNA. (Good to have 2 lawyers, 1 fashion designer, 1 actress and child carer within the group. ;-) )

Didn't manage to attend my own Graduation ceremony. I thought no one knows till some of my friends saw my name on the first page inside the booklet and were a bit upset because I didn't invite them...well, just to clarify that my name wasn't suppose to be there.
Came back from work training in the afternoon and rushed to uni . Chi's just finished the tediously long graduation ceremony. He graduated with first class honour in Telecom Eng. Congrats, mate! Another good news, 'white' got the graduate position offer this morning. Met karl, it's his graduation as well. blah blah...time fleets, soon after graduation we all head to different directions. Some have gone back where they come from. Some disappeared...some just left my memory... it's sad.

感觉到风在动 感觉日出在远方海上
感觉到心被轻轻地呼唤
感觉自己像透明一样
跳跃在树叶间闪动的光
这一刻思绪 无法和别人分享

我已把从前忘了 我也把未来忘了
世界还既然继续它的规则
我的心有那么自在的心跳
而生活的追逐 再也不重要

i was tempersome.

fragile you
all i see is a pair of red eyes, dull and uninspired.

“很困”，“很饿”，“很闷” 加上车前排的两个“很无聊”一起去新开的金玉满堂喝糖水。还有住附近的xsoteria和yichun, xsoteria是个很好玩的人， 每次都可以想出很多游戏给大家玩，而且不会重复的。玩到张牙舞爪,玩到桌上的叉叉全部倒地,玩到所有人向我们行注目礼...哎..好在是在唐人店,吵吵闹 闹不足为奇.

我们的所作所为，若没有爱, 都是无有.

1Corinthians13
我若能说万人的方言，并天使的话语却没有爱，我就成了呜的锣，响的钹一般。
我若有先知讲道之能，也明白各样的奥秘，各样的知识。而且有全备的信，叫我能够移山，却没有爱，我就算不得什么。
我若将所有的周济穷人，又舍己身叫人焚烧，却没有爱，仍然与我无益。
爱是恒久忍耐，又有恩慈。爱是不嫉妒。爱是不自夸。不张狂。
不作害羞的事。不求自己的益处。不轻易发怒。不计算人的恶。
不喜欢不义。只喜欢真理。
凡事包容。凡事相信。凡事盼望。凡事忍耐。
爱是永不止息。先知讲道之能，终必归于无有。说方言之能，终必停止，知识也终必归于无有。
我们现在所知道的有限，先知所讲的也有限。
等那完全的来到，这有限的必归于无有了。
我作孩子的时候，话语像孩子，心思像孩子，意念像孩子。既成了人，就把孩子的事丢弃了。
我们如今彷佛对着镜子观看，馍糊不清。（馍糊不清原文作如同谜）到那时，到那时，就要面对面了。我如今所知道的有限。到那时就全知道，如同主知道我一样。
如今常存的有信，有望，有爱，这三样，其中最大的是爱。

"Autre Monde" 1947 Escher's woodcut.
"Echo of scream" 1937 Mexican painter Davide Alfaro Siqueiros.
"As in Christ, so in me" Albrecht Durer's self portrait reveals a self-consciously melancholic and creative man who on this occasion identified himself with Christ as the Man of Sorrows.
"And there was war in heaven" Rev 12:7 - Durer Designed his brillant woodcut series of Apocalypse, was on the verge of major conflicts, dynastic wars, turkish wars and wars of religion.

Billy Graham - life is sacred.
Basil Mitchell - the Christian Conscience.

Date: 13 Oct 2004
Item: 3M adhesive hook
Product Specification: Performs well up to 120 degrees F. continuously or 158 degrees intermittently.
Incident Description: Detached itself from the wall and hit the ground with all its burdens.

心力憔悴的一天
10pm: 昨晚在我的尖叫声中， 俐打死了4只巨形飞蛾。她的救命之恩以后一定用帮她打蟑螂（不会飞的那种）来回报。
11pm:但是还有一只虽身受重毒， 潜逃去了我的房间！ 我投降， 卷起铺盖搬去和俐一起睡。
8am: 今天起床回到自己房间，又有两只恐怖的飞蛾撞来撞去...
9am: 原来尖叫可以用来提神， 早上免去了咖啡。
6pm: 打扫楼下车库, 把枯叶扫出去, 又被风吹进来, 反复几次. 看见了蟑螂,蜘蛛和无所不在的飞蛾.
7pm: 现在正坐在浓重的Mortein气体中打着字. 很兴奋, 刚才我勇敢地"喷"死了家中最后一只飞蛾(俐不在家). 我们往往是在无人求助,逼不得已要自己做时开始胜任一件件事, 开始独立.
8pm: 神经衰弱中, 每隔5秒抬头看天花板....同时研究打飞蛾的秘籍.

"We are happy, we are joyful that the verdict has been given by the Australian people but never forget the fact that governments are elected to govern not only for the people who voted for them, but also for the people who voted against them.''

Left home around 8am and queued up at nearest polling place. Reading and advices from others during past a few days have biased my preference. Browsed through some pamphlets from liberal, labor and democrates on the spot. Well, they're all smiling to me!!! No,no, John is Not. OK, I made up my mind. :P

Some other reasons I voted for Labor:
1) Mark shows no compassion for Pauline Hanson.
2) John is becoming too desperate. (who not?)
3) James Carville points the central point, "It is the economy, stupid". But John Howard's economic stability doesn't really touch a nerve with me. (stupid me know nothing about economy)
4) J.Howard has made Australia even more of a target for terrorists.
We don't need good wishes from Bush!
5) I like puppet! As long as it has a good puppeteer.
6) safe labor 8.9% at Kingsford Smith.

Good luck, Australian! Wish you will have a better government!

Which one is marginally less unbelievable?

^{1 Tim 4:12}Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. ¹³Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching. ¹⁴Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you by prophecy when the council of elders laid their hands on you. ¹⁵Practice these things, devote yourself to them, so that all may see your progress. ¹⁶Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers.

Listening to Club 5's mp3 now. "Lucky" that I don't have last two talks recorded. I am afraid to hear them again. However I have already heard once.

The reason you love KIT KAT wafer bar.

第一次玩Sewing Machine, 真过瘾! 厨房的抹布, 烧菜的围裙, 沙发上的套子统统被我弯弯扭扭地缝了一圈. 还有一条平时常常穿的裙子, 以后没有开衩的部分了.
..
今天, 蚂蚁兵团有一只蚂蚁潜逃! 我挥着小旗欢呼! :D

Organic: 中文叫”有机“
Free from chemical injections or additives, such as antibiotics or hormones:
e.g. organic chicken， 有机鸡。
与小时候生物课上讲的有机物，无机物不同。 有机物是与碳化物有关的物质(carbon compounds).
所以, "有机鸡"的反义词不是"无机鸡", 要记住了!

上海F1方程式赛车, 几个朋友都很"牛"得买了4000元的票去看. 车开到嘉定区的赛场要很久, 再从entry走到看台要一小时, 车呼啸而过, 也看不到什麽, 只有唰唰的噪音. 上海是很物质的城市, 蹩脚地富贵着，以前的Y也是, 总问你喜欢香奈儿还是范哲思, Armani 还是miumiu. 我说澳洲人穿衣很随便. 还借用Josh的话, "任何名牌衣服, 穿了后在洗衣机里滚一圈就只值5 dollars了" ... 为了我这句话, 他坚持将他那些衣服送去干洗店, 包括T-shirt. 唉` 这次来悉尼也是, 问我哪里有Versace店, 頭痛呀. 我说, 小心你的箱子撑爆! 他却回我一句, LV的质量很好..... 也许这就是人与人的不同, 我们在为要不要放弃高薪做MTS, 要不要用尽我们的权柄, 要不要去平穷的地方传教而举足不定; 而有些人却在想今晚是吃法国大餐还是日本料理, 明天穿的衣服是和红色的法拉利配还是那辆黑色的宝马配....唉..

God's law is not possible for us to fulfill on our own merits.

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge,
but fools despise wisdom and discipline.
- Proverbs 1:7

这几天, 楼下宠物医院里的狗叫得我心烦， 虽然在google里又search了一遍"how to stop dog barking", 还是没找到一个好的解决办法. 上次与格雷斯一起去里面逛了一圈, 发觉这医院其实挺大的. 我们的窗还不是正对着猫狗最多的地方, 不然会更吵. 窗外看出去是一棵很高的柳树, 春天到了, 每天都会长很多叶子, 树多会不会有隔音作用?
昨 晚做梦, 梦到有人送我3只小猫, 刚刚断奶走路摇摇晃晃的那种, 好开心呀. 它们好小, 有一只躲进我的球鞋里, 找了半天. (球鞋的部分也许是受bbq时的游戏影响吧). 可是奇怪我的家好像是在学校, 它们和我一起在像lecture room一样的房子的住. hummm...给它们都起了名字, 现在记不起了.

看完了《夏日香气》， 慧媛活了下来。
她说她不愿再见敏宇，
她怕她那颗被换过的心，不会再有往日的悸动，
她害怕她珍藏的爱只是谎言...回忆成了虚空..

俐总说, 有缘的人最终是会再一起的...看来导演满足了她的愿望.
慧媛心跳再一次茫茫人群中， 认出是他 。
缘(predestined relationship), 这个书上用来编故事的字,
是牵连, 是机遇, 是来由, 是归宿?
还是一般人不可能拥有的奢侈?

Ye became a christian, this is the happiest thing I have heard today!!
And another friend Ray will get married this year!!!! And he will move to singapore!!!

Well, had a long jog with Sandra on the coogee beach tonight. We started to talk about our recent conversation with our J.W. friends. Please don't give up or feel uncomfortable, sis! God is training us to speak wise and more effectively through these experience, it won't be easy to convince someone with a strong hatred of Christianity.In the end it is not because they are our friend but God chooses us to do so, to feed his sheep. Sometime it's like an assignment, it is an assignment marked with a due date. Do not be hurry to finish it to get a pass mark, but to push yourself to do it well instead and present it in front of God.
(The completion of the task is NOT the prerequisite of entering heaven, but isn't good that you did something worthwhile on earth?)

spinning :
Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above...

(Black eyed peas)

今天在咖啡店吸果汁， 一个爸爸抱着小女儿推门进来， 坐在我视线的正前方。 点了一杯橙汁，一杯babycino. "babycino", 原来一直认为是给小孩喝的super small size的咖啡, 端上的却是白花花的一杯牛奶. (这样是培养不出一代咖啡英才的).. 小女孩看上去病得很重, 眼睛忧伤地低垂着, 她爸爸小心翼翼喂她喝果汁, 用tissue帮她擦脸. 很美的一幅景象, 很想拍下, 可是会打扰他们的平静... 再抬头看时他们已经走了, 咖啡只吃了一层froth, 满满的一杯留在那里...

blossom

shine

momentary

爸爸的墓地上我放了一個陶製的小天使, 和他以前送我的那個一樣. 可每次去時, 總發現它被拿到旁邊的那個人的墓碑前. 那個人也很年輕, 有兩個很小的小孩.... 上次去時, 發現他的前面多了一個小天使, 因為兩個小天使都退色得厲害, 只剩下白白的本色...一左一右地對著, 一時間我也分不出拿一個是我的. 後來想了一下, 應該是那個在吹喇叭的, 就把它放了回來, 放在兩塊碑中間, 所以小天使的喇叭還是可以對著他吹.
用紙巾擦掉那些從樹上掉下的枯葉...和那些螞蟻打打招呼... 不會去趕他們, 因為它們每天在土里爬來爬去, 離爸爸最近... 是他們陪爸爸聊天, 真想能懂它們的語言...

爸 爸的墓地右邊還是空著的, 但不知有沒有被賣掉. 那時我選了第9個紅玫瑰園第21號位. 這樣我就可以記住爸爸最愛的花和他的生日了... 一直想有錢可以買下這旁邊的位子, 還有媽媽的. 我也許還是很固執的人, 一家人 生時無法在一起, 死後土能夠在一起也好...唉~
求神能幫我, 給我們的心平安, 請你讓我們能歡歡喜喜到你面前, 不哭泣..

Went to Joshua's marriage seminar (婚姻講座) today. Don't know why I was there, may be my mission to record the talk for W? First time I have used Digital Recorder, I am amazed by the quality of the recorded voice and the mp3 format. I may head to Tandy next week to check the price.

I love Proverbs!
Once upon a time, I told to myself I would read bible till I am old. (Old enough when I have experienced everything in life, when I can't walk properly and have plenty of time to sit peacefully in the wheelchair). I thought the Bible is a must-read but too early for me to spend time on... But now I'd say no other books in life is worthier than the Bible. The words of wisdom from God, I would indeed regret if I read them too late. You wanna taste life? But life is too short to walk on the wrong path that others had already stumbled.

OT is the obvious historical precedent and life experience of others. It shows us how God worked within them and how He fulfills His promises and their consequence of rebellion.

Proverbs 19:20
Listen to advice and accept instruction,
that you may gain wisdom in the future.

Proverbs 24:14
Know that wisdom is such to your soul;
if you find it, there will be a future,
and your hope will not be cut off.

昨 天, 躺在床上玩手机上的"Go Hamster", 开始一直过不了第一关. 3点时满肚怨气地睡下了, 边睡边想, 既然想出一个好方法. 就是先在中间筑墙, 一点一点地延伸, 尽量把图一分为二. Flying animals就活动不自由了, 乘它们弹去其他地方时, Hamster 就要勇敢地向对岸冲! 后来我的小Hamster一连闯了很多关, 过了Netherlands, Greece, USA, France and China!!! 不过最后stuck在炮火连天的西班牙...

當一根小提琴的琴弦被撥動時，會引起同一房間裏所有弦樂器的共振，即使這個振動微弱到肉耳根本聽不見，但是，最敏感的人都能感受到這種共振。 文◎張小嫻

要怎样来形容这件事呢?
假想一张白纸吧, 上面画上很多点, 在纸的左右两边各有一点, 看上去离得好远.
但你把纸对折, 这两点就可以叠在一起. 很棒吧, 其实纸上任何两点都可以的.
有时在很难在自身上做改变时, 那就试着改变外界因素吧,
除非正巧是纸上正反面背对背的两点, 那是怎么也碰不到一起的.

生老病死
生與死都是一瞬間的事
BUT 老 & 病 IS MUCH PAINFUL.

Judy, Tina 和 Virginia 來我們家救我們兩個病人. 我被拔了火, 脖子後扎了兩針, 手上6針腿上4針. Li舌頭發黑, 手上6針, 腿上6針. 現在不痛了, 我好想喝可樂....Virginia 從冰箱中沒收走一罐, Li告狀說我還有一大箱....哎....

俐的病快好了, 我卻開始頭暈暈了. 慘了.

Internal error.

做事要有主張; 也要有耐心, 稍安勿躁;
還有就是要有一顆開朗的心 - 開開心心地面對生活.
外公說的.

幾個月前, 澳洲的氣象學家就預測說在罕見的無雨季節後, 會接著有一個大災難. 不知這幾天時來時去的大風大雨是不是他們講的, 但是的確有些可怕.

FEDERAL ELECTION 2004 OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCED
The 2004 federal election has been officially announced, with eligible Australian electors to vote on election day, Saturday 9 October 2004.

The key dates of the 2004 federal election are:

• Announcement of Election: Sunday, 29 August 2004
• Issue of writ: Tuesday, 31 August 2004
• Close of rolls: 8pm , Tuesday 7 September 2004
• Close of bulk nominations: 12noon, Tuesday 14 September 2004
• Close of nominations: 12noon, Thursday 16 September 2004
• Declaration of nominations: 12noon, Friday 17 September 2004
• Election day: Saturday, 9 October 2004

For more information on the 2004 federal election: http://www.aec.gov.au/election2004/index.htm

Haven't participated any of the elections for 4 years.(ie. I have only voted twice as I can remember). Don't know how much they will fine me. Li said it should be $200 for each election I've missed...sigh.. I may face a large budget deficit this time.

Gravitational Waves, disturbances in space-time that are believed to spread outwards at the speed of light from locations where masses are being rapidly accelerated. Possible sources of such waves include: violent supernova explosions, which are accompanied by the collapse of stellar cores to form neutron stars or black holes; interacting black holes; pulsars (rotating neutron stars); and binary systems of neutron stars as their components coalesce and die.

more

巴爾札克的文章都很強調passion, 他说若没有passion, 就不会有人类的历史,宗教与文化. 因他提及宗教, 让我想到Mel Gibson把電影命名為The Passion of The Christ. 是否人類的原動力源于熱情熱誠或激情?耶穌基督死在十字架上的行為只是他的一時衝動? 工作學習婚姻若缺了這一個元素, 是否還能維持?或開始的必要?
剛巧查了下字典, 才發現passion一詞P大寫後, 意思與我原先理解的大為不同. 是專指耶稣的受难和死亡的.

Passion
n.
The sufferings of Jesus in the period following the Last Supper and including the Crucifixion.
受難耶穌在最後的晚餐之後, 包括被釘死在十字架的時期內所受的苦難.
A narrative, musical setting, or pictorial representation of Jesus's sufferings.

passion
n.
激情, 热情
1.A powerful emotion, such as love, joy, hatred, or anger.
2.Ardent love.
3.Strong sexual desire; lust.
4.The object of such love or desire.
5.Boundless enthusiasm

若再仔細看一下字源, 此字suffer的涵義要大大超過an overwhelming emotion.
from Medieval Latin passi0 passi0n[ sufferings of Jesus or a martyr]
from Late Latin [ physical suffering, martyrdom, sinful desire ]
from Latin[ an undergoing ] 一次經歷
from passus,past participle of patº[ to suffer ]
源自 passus, patº 的過去分詞 [ 遭受 ]

We are sometimes stirred by emotion and take it for zeal.
有時我們僅僅感情用事卻誤以為熱忱.

i love Play School!

well, i cannot live a life like this, i cannot submerse myself in toys stories forever.
i really need to face my adulthood which means I have to face job interviews and a long term career. ( this might sound a bit contradict what I mentioned I felt "old" last time. Guess it is because there is a huge interregnum between my childhood and the current retirement state.)

Most of the people knows that I am bad with words. I just CAN'T express well, it gets worse when I speek Englesh. You should be well prepared not to faint when i'm uttering those truncated sentences and mis-pronunced words. thank God, I'd already improve a bit and tend to be more talkative - which also means I care less if you faint.

Speech - it is still my greatest fear when I try to sell myself on the job market. I think it was the main reason why I chose computing as my career path because I don't need to talk to human! After 4 years self-realization, I found I am not good at mastering any languages( java, guava, whateva)... so what should I do in the future?
Are there any jobs don't require verbal communication? And think it over again, how can I do God's ministry if I cannot overcome this difficulty? God has spoken to us by His words, we can only share the gospel by telling others. All in the package of People ministry - meeting with people and relate to them and communicate with them. Why do I find it so hard?

Famous edvard munch's "the scream" was "taken" from its museum.
The drama of "the scream" was on the Sketch Show on the same day.

I sticked my father's father's photo on the wall.
Then I received a letter from him.

是起埃與始埃教 我玩的這個紙牌遊戲, 叫釣魚. 將54張牌面朝下9x6排好,由一個人開始翻牌, 每次只能翻兩張, 若兩張一樣,就可以拿起, 再可翻兩張; 不同的話,就將牌按原樣朝下合好. 輪到下一個人, 也一樣. 所以要憑記憶記住自己和別人翻開過的牌的花色和所在的位子, 下次到你時就可以把它們湊成對, 最後誰手中牌多誰就是贏家. "這張在那裡見過", "這張應該在這,沒錯"...我想我不得不承認這是一個防止老年痴呆的好方法.

很久沒玩過這個遊戲了,為什麼要提起? 只是今天白天有一閃而過的錯覺...感覺怪怪的.
IUC晚到了十分鐘, 坐在後面, 看到的是眾人的背與另外半邊人的側臉, 我通常不會明目彰膽地四處張望, 只是眼角會暼到一些人, 認識的人比較容易認出. 站起坐下時看到, 可以模糊地確定他們的方位.
有 一個朋友一直回頭看, 也許想和我們坐後面的人打個眼神的招呼吧. 我抬頭又剛好錯過她的臉. 我想還是聽講道重要, 招呼可以待會ㄦ打. 後來, Joshua講得好笑時, 笑側了臉,無意中看到了不同方向的人. 那個一直回頭看的朋友居然坐到了那一邊. 再去看看剛才那個, 是我不認識的人. 後來又發現一個坐在很遠角落的人,竟然安安穩穩在我的正前方. 所以突然有種錯覺, 這裡的人都是合著的一張張牌,一樣都是成雙的, 只是他們背對你你看不到, 他們偶爾會回頭, 所以他們一回頭,就要用力地記住他們的臉....

和我一樣的那個人在哪裡? 她回頭, 我看見她時會驚詫到什麼程度? 她會看到我嗎, 會開心嗎? 會有這樣一個人嗎?

今天我明明遇到了呀, 在我身邊, 這麼近, 連呼吸也感覺得到,
一秒的奇妙, 我又一次找回了我試圖擺脫的影子,
一秒已足夠, 足以讓我不妄終身.

'你是玩牌的人', 有聲音提醒我,'你怎麼可能和牌在一起?'

哦..........是嗎 是嗎 我能坦然地抽身離開嗎? 而你只是一張牌, 我隨時想推開就能推開的嗎?


(現在想來, 有些好笑, 也終於領悟出平時Judy總是叫我們坐在前排的緣由了.)

Isaiah 40

15Behold, the nations are like a drop from a bucket,
and are accounted as the dust on the scales;

15看哪 ，万民都像水桶的一滴，又算如天平上的微尘。

王朔 說:"這個世界很單純﹐人和人之間需要的其實不多﹐互相了解只能橫生誤會。" 他又說:"年輕的時候認為有很多重要的東西在前面﹐只要不停奔走就能看到﹐走過來發現重要的都在身后發生了﹐已經過去了﹐再往前又是一片空白。" 為何我有同感?
年輕時候的理想和那些很久沒哼的歌一樣, 有些記得但又不願用力去想. 少了對世俗的一份貪戀, 看多了人的醜陋, 留下一顆灰得不能再灰的心. 用什麼力繼續往前奔?

很多人是愛戴著有色鏡看世界的, 我指的是樂觀的紅黃藍綠. 而我喜歡黑白, 喜歡把彩色的圖轉變成grayscale,慢慢來欣賞深淺層次. 我的世界是灰色的, 無法觸及那头的窒息的黑暗,和另一头讓人心碎的純白, 只能茍且介於黑與白的陰暗中.
據說很多人老了後, 辨色力會削弱, 看出去的世界不如年輕人的五光十色, 但他們能看得更透更徹底. 他们的眼睛, 其實是比我們犀利得多..
色彩是用來自欺欺人的工具, 就像年輕一樣.

If I could throw this
Lifeless lifeline to the wind
Leave this heart of clay
See you walk, walk away
Into the night
And through the rain
Into the half-light
And through the flame...

缺顏色
Cold yellow,warm red and black
2xcool blue,warm blue, ultramarine blue, cerulean blue.
too many blues.

Cleaning up all the files in my cse directory using the powerful rm -r command.
Surprisely I notices my account won't expire till next year March and after diskguessing I realize they increased my disk quota as well (trying to squeeze my files to minimum size was part of my daily tasks).Then "pp" some other friends, none of them has this "privilege" and their acc will expire this month. Oh well, do I need to access cse for any reason? pine?ssh?.friend? something was very important to me but now is useless.

几日前, 将整一瓶葡萄酒打破, 洒了一地, 浓浓的红色像血一样. 一边擦一边还有人讲杀人故事给我听, 心情可想而知. 第二天俐在别人的怂恿下买了四瓶 Baileys Irish cream liqueur回来, 她尝了一口, 但不喜欢. 那天我正好和W在家, 看到这酒四目放光, 马上拿酒杯, 我是连瓶倒的-酒鬼的本性毕露, W是喜好其巧克力味, 仰颈了许久,确定酒杯滴干才罢休. 幸好还有一个清醒的人在一边给我们翻圣经读."不可好酒" (提摩太前书3:3 ). 昨日向朋友请教酒醉经验(自己没醉过), 朋友说酒与海鲜不可同食, 曾试过两次, 喝完就两眼发黑. 个人体质不同吧, 食红肉配红酒, 食海鲜配白酒, 岂不是误导人?
现在冰柜中还有两瓶, 肚里空空, 蠢蠢欲动, 咳...self control!

每天若能藏在家里就藏在家，继续过米虫的生活， 不想去工作;
今天花了一上午等雨停, 花了一个中午煮菜,一个下午准备BibleStudy,一个晚上查经.十点半跑去别人家,然后逛supermarket, 又花了一个小时. 买了一堆不是很需要的东西。
米虫又蛀掉一天。
朋友提醒：米虫的体型快和下面的稻草人差不多了，ahhh! 准备减肥！

稻草人
他的帽子是借来的，衣服是借来的；
他的手是借来的，脑袋也是借来的；
甚至他的眼睛也是从别人针线盒子里找来的。
可是稻草人的生命是他自己的。
无忧无虑地悬荡在麦田， 深深呼吸他挚爱的空气，
寂静中，有长长短短的思绪。。
时而友好地飘向那些鸟儿。。
2004.8.14
改动：时而飘向那些友好的鸟儿。。稻草人是友善的，但乌鸦们可不是这样认为的。

Painted this picture while watching Olympic openning ceremony at home alone.
A very nice day today.

坐在電視前看一場場比賽很浪費時間的, 我又是個超級怕浪費時間的人, 所以通常會一手同時做兩件事. (結果是兩件事都沒做好, 但仍惡習難改).
也來講講奧運開幕式

我是個不喜歡談論政治的人, 但不代表我沒有愛國情結.
從小在共產黨的調教下, 還是很愛國的. 我想每個國家都會這樣教育下一代.
(注:我对中国現今的国情了解甚少,所以不評價)
自己的國家在別人眼里再不好, 子不能嫌母丑, 永遠不可唾棄她.
=執政的人也許讓你不滿, 讓你失望,讓你痛恨,但你不可在外人面前侮辱自己的國家.
對開幕式上, 中國分成中國,台灣,香港感到很難過.
被其他國嘲笑對我來說是一種很大的侮辱.
在這一點上中國人的劣根性盡顯, 喜歡搞分裂. 從小我們是一直把台灣,香港稱為同胞的.
可你們小小一個台灣, 硬要把自己分成'不是中國'的中華台北(若大膽點一定稱'中華台灣',或者就是台灣, 或日文拼法的台灣,或Formosa*了吧). 你們長成這樣走在哪裡人家都會把你歸為中國人的.
中國人是一個種族, 又不是把你叫做"共產黨人",干嗎每次神經兮兮的要糾正別人說自己不是中國人是台灣人,說出來不好笑嗎?像自己打自己耳光.
再說香港(反正已得罪台灣人了), 你們曾是殖民地, 什麼是殖民地你們知道嗎?
是 喪失政治經濟主權, 被別人統治的傀儡**. 你們還洋洋得意當年把你們擄了去的國家是金發碧眼的大英國吧. 你們都保留著那二等公民特有的英國護照吧. 中國經歷重重歷史災難(例如文革)時,你們是痛心還是慶幸自己還好被他國占領? 人都是自私,自我的. 論到自身利益時,國家又算得了什麼? 只要我全家移了民, 平安了國家生存滅亡管我何事? 我不光說別人, 包括我本人, 祖國是個抽象名詞. 但牽扯到面子時我還是會考慮一下的. 如果我是香港人, 既然已經回歸了,就不會硬要保留'一國兩制'的頭銜, 來一遍又一遍提醒自己的不同身分, 甚至把自己的屈辱過去當作彩旗來炫燿.

中國不強大, 我也不會在這裡傲慢地講;
中國就算不強大, 我也會在這裡傲慢地講.
並不是傲慢地對台灣,香港澳門人講;
而是對所有看不起自己血脈里流的血的中國人講.

*Formosa: 福摩萨,16世紀葡萄牙殖民主義者中國台灣省的稱呼.
**傀儡: 此種說法有些太過偏激, 從另一面講這也是中國成為戰敗國後的不得已, 也因為當時政府的懦弱.

我為自己國家能在金牌榜上遙遙領先而驕傲. (2004.8.15)

膩不膩
有些人喜歡一本書看了又看
有些人聽同一張CD永遠不膩
有些人買東西只買那個一直用的牌子,不願嘗試其他的
也有些人只愛去同一家餐廳,好在偶爾還會點不同的菜
巴士上坐同樣的位子, 去同樣的地方,想同樣的事做同樣的夢
穿同一件衣服, 愛同一個人
犯同樣的錯, 受同樣的傷
幸好那個人不是我

我的生活 在虛幻中逗留
有目的与没目的地前行
没有屬於自己的東西
頭上沒有一片瓦
只有沉默


南昌路的房子被媽媽賣掉了. 8年前外公車禍後媽媽和我搬去與外公住,後來我出國了,媽媽也沒住回我們自己的家. 今天聽到這個消息.太突然．
房 子是通過房產商賣的, 不知買家. 媽媽說她年紀大了, 無心去管那處一直空關著的房子了. 賣掉前也沒回去拿什麼,別人既然看中我們的家俱, 就一起賣給他們了. 我問媽媽,我玻璃幮中的那麼多的小猴呢?那些荷蘭瓷鞋呢?小時候媽媽亲手做的工藝品呢?草莓香袋呢?薛美君阿姨送我的漫畫底稿呢?爸爸那裡拿來的我兒時的 畫本與相冊呢?　我集的成千上萬的郵票呢．．．．　媽媽說不記得了,都留在那裡了．　你就只能想想它們了吧．．．我哭了．．媽媽繼續說:"上海天 又那麼熱，實在沒有力氣去整理了．賣房子時也沒有人商量，你每年回上海也沒去以前的家看過，也沒拿走你想要的．．"　　媽媽，可我在澳洲呀，我沒家呀!外 公家那麼小，我的小房間已放滿了東西，我還有什麼地方儲藏我的寶貝?　飛機票這麼貴，我又不能回去幫你．　唉!

我的童年的一切一切:
小時候爺爺家的整棟樓因地被批租被拆了．．
美麗的小學校舍在我畢業後被拆了．．
讀了６年的中學後來也被改建．．
少年宮也不知搬去了哪裡．．
現在家也沒了．．

唉!　算了算了，這些都是世上的財物，不重要的．
只要媽媽外公舅舅的身體好，平平安安的就好!

真想找一個可以掙好多好多錢的工作，給媽媽買大大的房子；但又想有很多的時間陪在媽媽身邊；也想全心去傳福音，讀聖經．．都是些無法兩全其美的願望．

網上寫blog,很多人會看到．最近有很多anonymous的人在我 blog上comment．我無法去猜測誰是誰，很累．　我寫我的，寫出來就是讓人看的，只是將生活中的一小部分記下了，別人再怎麼讀也拼不出我整個人的．
其實是我膽小，怕顯出我更多的軟弱，不然我可以寫好多好多．．
要不是我沒文采，也沒有什麼大知識，不然我會寫更多更多．．
啊．太晚了，該睡了．

俐煮了我最爱吃的炒酱
今天俐不上班，可我一早醒来叫了几次她的名字都没人应，有些失落，像小时候醒来找不到妈妈一样。。。以为她突然被叫去上班了。。。
幸 好锅里有美味的茶叶蛋！不会太"难过"了.不一会儿俐拎着大包小包回来了，原来她去买菜去了, 还宣布要煮炒酱。我兴奋极了，整整7年没吃过了，于是我开始把土豆，豆干切成丁丁。正宗的炒酱应放油炸过的花生的，可我们没有，只好用毛豆代替。当然还有 肉丁。甜面酱和豆瓣酱的瓶打不开（我昨天跑完city2surf,今天浑身酸痛),就野蛮地将刀把瓶盖砍了个大洞,就打开了...(厉害吧,跟韦小宝学 的).
俐将所有的东东, 包括两瓶酱全部倒进锅里, 开始煮.记得一定不可加水哟,因为俐说这样会不好吃....不可加水但又不能让它粘锅底,就要不停的捣呀捣,要捣手臂抬不起, 还是要继续...要捣倒旁边站着看的人都累了后,方才可以关火....大概还要焖一会吧.
这是上海菜吗?不知,妈妈以前在周末烧,也会烧一大碗,因为挺咸的,所以可以吃好几天. 今晚要打电话给妈妈, 告诉她我们自己烧炒酱了.

Ingredients
1. 250g(according to package) cream cheese, softened to room temperature
2. 400ml condensed milk
1 and 2 mix together in big bowl
3. 4 eggs, beaten, set aside
4. 100ml lemon juice according to measuriing cup, set aside
5. 120g crushed biscuits. (approx, half the pack)
6. 125g melted butter
.........................................
1. crushed biscuits and melted butter, mix well, press into cake pan (lined with baking paper), press well, fridge for 1-2 hours to set
2. beat softened cream cheese and condensed milk together in big bowl
3. add in 4 beaten eggs
4. add in 100ml lemon juice, mix well to a smooth consistency.
5. preheat oven to 150c, bake for 25 mins. take out of the oven, cover with aluminium foil to bake for futher 10 mins ( to retain moisture). cool to room temperature and refrigerate overnight or until firm.
6. serve with strawberries and icing sugar (optional)

海边的城堡 (深深的海,牢牢的城堡)
看沓长韩剧。。心还是会无谓的痛。
人世间很多情感是都是一样的，都是用眼泪来填满的。

影子国的国王很孤独，因为他是黑黑的影子。 他永远无法把自己显示给人看，因为这样他就不是影子了。一天，他吩咐他的手下去收集沙子，每天最晚时，他就能盼到一颗，有时连一颗也没，他就会很伤心。有 人问他你在干什麽呀？他不说。 如今， 他的手下每天可以帮他找到两，三颗，他却不喜悦。 他说，原先收集沙子是为了装满那个空空的流沙瓶，可是现在流沙瓶被他打破了。

俐房间的玻璃窗与纱窗间有一只很大的蜘蛛，昨天早上发现的，不知它是什麽时 候爬进去的，反正我们是不敢开窗 了。 我下午去视察了它三次，它的脚的姿势有变化，所以确定它是只活的。 晚上做噩梦，我勇敢地把它捉住了，装进一个小瓶， 小瓶子的盖子很不牢固，那只蜘蛛却慢慢地变大，变成一只青蛙了，眼看马上要顶出来的时候 我被吓醒，幸哉幸哉，也没再睡着。。。可现实中的蜘蛛还在，而且往上爬了一点。。。只等风把它吹成化石吧。

将信心放在神上， 而不要放在人上。人会让你失望， 而神不会。 神说， 相信他，跟随他。 我们的灵在天上，不要留恋地上。 你说呢? 为何还要为地上的人与事伤心呢? 经上讲教会中不应纷争, 我们都是属基督的. 我们要互相爱对方, 我们做到了吗? 人心若能坦白地放出来给人看, 你敢吗? 若给你选择,让你那80%出来给人看你敢吗? 80%比较美好的你选的出吗?
亲爱的神啊, 原谅我们无心自大的人吧,原谅我们的邪恶. 也求你让我们能在这残年断景中存活, 能让我们这些稍有良知的人奔走相告你的福音,以从你的怒火中多救出些灵魂.

S.W.- a film with flat, celluloid characters.

Luke 12
¹³众人中有一个人对耶稣说,夫子,请你吩咐我的兄长和我分开家业。
¹⁴耶稣说 ，你这个人 ，谁立我作你们断事的官，给你们分家业呢。
¹⁵于是对众人说，你们要谨慎自守，免去一切的贪心。因为人的生命，不在乎家道丰富。
¹⁶就用比喻对他们说，有一个财主，田产丰盛。
¹⁷自己心里思想说，我的出产没有地方收藏，怎麽办呢。
¹⁸又说，我要这麽办。要把我的仓房拆了，另盖更大的。在那里好收藏我一切的粮食和财物 。
¹⁹然后要对我的灵魂说，灵魂哪，你有许多财物积存，可作多年的费用。只管安安逸逸的吃喝 快乐吧。
²⁰神却对他说，无知的人哪，今夜必要你的灵魂。你所豫备的，要归谁呢。
²¹凡为自己积财，在神面前却不富足的，也是这样。

蚂蚁兵团4只工蚁罢工，直接点说是辞职。剩下两个经理层的蚂蚁勉强维持着生计，38度的高温，整天要在办公室留到7，8点乘地皮渐渐消了热气才敢出来。 可怜的蚁类，与我们人类一样，终生劳苦，才能得吃的。
.....................................
在shopping town看到有卖金鱼, 很小的鱼缸.
我问可否买两条, 那人一指牌子Siamese Fighting Fish, 两条鱼在一起会斗死对方的. 可怜的鱼类，与我们人类一样，争斗好斗, 终生奋斗，死时一无所有。
.....................................
Linwen叔叔不小心将Ziju天天玩的solitaire删除了,急着要帮她装回去，今天我又千里迢迢地被叫到Parramatta去帮他修。 我无法了解他们的爱有多深, 但能携手一路走来, 一定是需要相互的体恤与忍让. 幸福的人类, 与流川中的卵石一样, 能与同一块石头相生相息一辈子.

Glimpse of MYC 2004- Merroo

日月蹉跎
昨晚，理东西，丢掉了许多旧的文件,包括两本父亲的笔记本。 父亲学英文时记的，有很多都用Uppercase写的, 看上去很整齐. 就这样被我丢了. 凌晨醒来, 突然记起这两本本子, 难受地快要哭了. 把爸爸的东西都扔得差不多了, 以后我拿什麽来想念爸爸? 和爸爸生活过的5个月的记忆, 已被岁月消磨得少而又少. 好想去找回它们...
今天, 继续整理, 发现了我以前手写的信件. (以前写信还打草稿的). 数量之多, 文字篇幅之长, 自己为之惊讶. 我想我可以把它们装订成书了. 老了后,自己看..那时我也许还可以从信中忆起父亲.

与父亲没有合照, 这是我一生遗憾的事.

一早，与格兰去看房子，今天他的态度180度大改变，也许亲眼看到屋子里存在的问题了，答应都帮我修，也保证一定给我换新门了，开心开心。

Something new under the Sun.

灰人
今天去签房子的合同，格兰骗人，没有给我们换新门，只是将被撬开的坏门用胶水粘了一下， 没有热水，水龙头漏水，橱柜有裂缝，墙上有大洞。。。和他讲，他还理直气壮地说你们要Perfect, 租那种一千元的好了. 气人, 收了钱后就变脸.
24日搬, 下一周我又不在, 匆匆地去打扫了一下. 车库里很灰, 有很多蜘蛛网和枯叶. 好在有一把大大的扫帚, 扫得浑身是灰. 咳嗽越发厉害了. 打扫完还要回Bondi还钥匙, 好累.

今天与L合签了Orange, 拿到新手机, 没有时间玩弄.
又买了两个大盒子装东西, 十几个往上叠, 快碰到屋顶了.将木床拆开了, 今晚开始睡榻榻米!

SQ发短信, 问我为何还留在澳洲, 我不知, 没有其他地方可去. 还要追问缘由, 我也不知说什么.

能去MYC是神的祝福, 但如此多的事情堆积下来, 很内疚. 天气预报说下周会下雨. 湿嗒嗒地大冷天, 又没有热水洗澡, 又是很大考验.

Jesus in Beijing: How Christianity Is Transforming China and Changing the Global Balance of Power
by David Aikman

晴天，雨天都一样。只要心情好，

虽然很忙很忙，但每天晚上都有时间坐下静静地读圣经，这就是刚刚毕业，还没上班的好处。

你是生命好牧人 我们一生紧紧跟.

人生24年，听到了福音。我要将我的余生献给神，交托于祂。
遇到困难，想想《十字架》中的人，想想圣经中受迫害的人。
他们的坚定,他们的信心, 他们的喜乐, 他们的一切一切由上帝保守着。
我也有命一条，上帝给的，我也希望能为祂作工。
彼得前書四章
12亲爱的弟兄阿，有火炼的试验临到你们 ，不要以为奇怪,(似乎是遭遇非常的事）
13倒要欢喜。因为你们是与基督一同受苦，使你们在他荣耀显现的时候，也可以欢喜快乐。
14你们若为基督的名受辱骂，便是有福的。因为神荣耀的灵，常住在你们身上 。
15你们中间却不可有人，因为杀人，偷窃，作恶，好管闲事而受苦。
16若为作基督徒受苦，却不要羞耻。倒要因这名归荣耀给神 。
17因 为时候到了，审判要从神的家起首 。若是先从我们起首，那不信从神福音的人 ，将有何等的结局呢 。
18若是义人仅仅得救 ，那不虔敬和犯罪的人，将有何地可站呢 。
19所以那照神旨意受苦的人，要一心为善，将自己灵魂交与那信实的造化之主。

雨后的窗外有两道彩虹，
有镶着金边的云，还有像海市蜃楼般的高楼, 好美。

Have about 10 locations in hand for my new residence selection. Most of them are in Bondi area, but didn't have time to go and have a look of all today.
Meanwhile i really like the one in Randwick.. very close to uni :D
2 bedroom unit $300 per week
1 living room
1 bathroom
2 balconies
1 internal laundry
top floor
security door
lock up garage (clean and big)
good view (can see city)

Wish everything going well during the application process.

先安家后乐业？先乐业后安家？
我现在头痛的只是先搬家或先找工作。 还有搬家搬去哪里。。
住腻了大学区，想搬去一个靠近海，安静一点，安全一点的地方。
也很想很想独住，自由些。
搬远了，像我这么懒的人一定很少来学校了。
实在舍不得mbf。 以前信誓旦旦地说过永远要留在mbf的，要帮着mbf慢慢变大的。
很多人也说我们教会就是这样的, 人来了又走. 大家也习惯了.
我曾经是猛烈摇头说如果大家都留下就没人愿意会离开.(什麽逻辑?)
但很多事是出人意料的, 以前一直打算回上海的GG, 现在会留下了.
像我一直想留下的, 却开始打算离开. 心里很矛盾.
今天，到处去看房子。好不容易看到一间喜欢的，agent突然涨了$50的租金, 明天要继续找. 如果在学校附近找到好的, L也可以"回"mbf了. L说她以前也像我现在一样, 一心是想着church的, 放弃了自己很多想做的事.
心里又矛盾,以后我也会变她那样吗?
............
舅舅到上海了, 开始新的工作了, 祝福他,平平安安.

Today is a very special today.
Uncle will be on his airplane back to shanghai and start his new job there. And mom retires from now on and I graduated. (I can graduate if I pass yesterday's exam).
It is an end and also a start-the end for my 7 years life time in australia and a start for bright new future.
And I am overexcited about the new baby of Vivian and Scotty right now:D

影子突然想到, 自己是可以不存在的.
一是在漆黑的深夜, 二是在強光下的手術台上.
影子只能存活於無光與太多光兩者之間.
影子又想到了, 它也是無須存在於舞者凌空輕旋的瞬間.
還有,海中的魚,天上的鳥,浮著的雲.它們都沒有影子,
而沒有影子的生活是多麼了無牽掛啊.

影子自語篇2
影子被派去機場工作, 天頂的下一層, 環形的辦公室,
中間像商場一樣是空心的, 一直望到天空. (open air).
空著心,对著空.
每天抬頭就可以看無數的飛機起起落落, 這也仿彿也是她的工作一部分.
感覺甚好,但無聊極至..
於是去圖書館借了一大堆陳年舊書,
看時卻惦念著下一本.
切記切記,放下書後一定要馬上洗手...

影子自語篇
影子最近又患上了白日多眠症與夜晚失眠症.精神恍惚,語無倫次,
也有齊了自我陶醉,孤芳自赏等種種自戀行為.
特徵:
沒有朋友,對身邊的人和事缺乏基本的好奇;
幻象力豐富,但應付日常生活的能力極低;
整天只懂埋首在自己的音樂/文學世界里自得起樂...

當一個人變成你的影子.
當你的影子變成你自己.
人離開自己的影子, 是傻是對是錯,是看破,是軟弱?
人被叛自己的承諾, 是愛是恨是解脫, 或者是什麼?

Thinking to renovate my blog template again because really cannot stand the messness of the current one ->
(I've sorted my biblical study already, there are the rest):
:chinese/english
:picture only/word only/mixture
:and important/non-important/semi-important
:real life/fantasy/technical(!)
how to put them in different categories?
argh.. too complicated.. forget it.

Big Fish
Thought it was a fairtale story... till I saw the glass eyeball witch from the reflection of mirror. it therefore became a horror movie. Then it went so funny later on, and cannot stop laughing. And then the circle repeated again and again. Actually it was a very nice fairtale in the end. I'd say I love it.

Everyone's life is like a story, just depends on how you memorise it,the way you think it and describe it. And the happiest thing in the world is that someone does believe you and understand your story.

Considering the spiritual content in the film, "amazing grace" was sung by the church congregation at Edward's funeral. And also Ed bloom said he never talk about religion because "you never know who you'll offend."

我要吃粽子。。。。。。粽子粽子

Partial substance in the experimental tube for a witchy chemical reaction:
- hydrogen peroxide. known as umf.
- kopiko. known as coffee extract.
- dry seed of paullinia cupana. known as guarana.
- panax. known as ginseng.
- xylitol. known as gum.
- paracetamol. known as panadol.
- folate. known as special k, but what's for?

Pat gave me her computer monitor before her leaving, therefore my 6-year-old one can happily retire. Everything looks so different and clear on this ever-so-bright screen.
I cannot believe that I have imperiled myself for so long. May be this is the reason why my eyesight is getting worse and worse.

序
一篇千字文，如蚕吐丝一样，每一字都仿佛要耗尽余力。
她在创作过程中略略不安，总处于幻觉状态，思绪游走时，完全不受控制。
她在读她文章时隐隐发抖，也处于幻觉状态，完全被控制，思绪无法游走。

今天，读到一篇， 用了我用过的心情， 其中的意思我一眼看透;
以为除了一人,无人会读懂； 而事实恰恰相反. 好笑好笑.
写blog. 为什么要"encrypted"? 因为不敢直接了当, 这包括了我自己.
尾

我们做为基督徒, 应该认真读圣经. 仔细专研. 目的是为了更了解神. 为了以后传福音时更有信心讲给别人听.现在学的时候, 问好问题后,要用心去听别人的回答,别人是如何向你解释, 让你信服的. 不要不动大脑地问那些类同不屑的人问出的问题. 想想你问的时候, 心是叛逆的还是想试探神. 要知道神是不可被试探的, 而且神也明瞭一切的. 愚蠢的问题也可能会对一起学圣经的基督徒或刚信主的兄弟姐妹不益. 撒但会在一边开心. 所以, 要认真对待查经, 要长好果子!!

oh that's too many in sudden!
competition-wise?
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雪花烧与雪花飘是完全不同的。

I am a self-sustaining lying machine.

My first g*mail account starts to grow exponentially due to my selfishness at the beginning. Now I owns 8 gmailsss accounts and gave two to my friends because I have used up all my creativities for username.... I wonder how I gonna use them.
For where my treasure is, there my heart will be also. If I store my "possession" on the virtual internet, does that mean my heart is there also? (I indeed worry about their hard drives'quality which may cause me *heart* attack.

p.s. One error occured during the application process. When I clicked the link in an invitation email, two register windows came out. This resulted me 1 extra unexpected mail account.

Cannot be bother to play with it anymore. Waste time!

The Canon advertisement that i just saw on TV was absolutely catching. "ichi, nichi.." and then the whole background scene along with the girls was "captured" by the camera. It warns us "Be careful, it captures everything!"...
I got a bit annoyed by the all-time-cameralized events that I participated these days, although I am one of those who's holding carema. But, I have excuses to bring my DC everyday in my bag:
1. My home is currently open to the public, so I need to carry most valuable stuff with me.
2. Too many cute cats on the streets, life is too short to take photos of them.

All of you shouldn't bring one each time!
(Footnotes: speaking on a behalf of an arrogant non-fotogenic self proclaimed idiot-camera user/photographer who has an allergy to all sorts of flashes on a pretentious day.)

有一個人,就這麼一直坐著, 看著我們這塊牌子很久了. 終於一不耐煩乘著天黑將它摘了去. 阿麗心痛啊, 百來塊大洋呢. 去瞅了幾回. 仍找不到. 這個人是我今日出外砍柴時發現的,著實吓了我一跳. 後來我就站在土墩上遠遠地望他. 他倒很安定像什麼壞事都沒干一樣. 反正, 府上已派了人來查此事,我也不提. 早早熄燈裝樣睡了就是了.

分開旅行
喜歡到處跑的人, 多半是很放得下的人. 是一個人了無牽掛的日子.
外公說等他很老時(他說這句話時82歲).他說會去深山老林,過野人的生活. 我問,那你吃什麼? 他說摘果子,或自己種,一講到自己種,他又描述如何在一片地里種瓜種菜.(雖然他16歲便離家來到上海,要憑記憶種地吧)...至今不懂外公為何舍得離開我們一個人去森林, 難道不要我了嗎? (還是會把我一起帶去)?
其實我好想一個人到處旅行,去歐洲,像故事里人一樣生活. 可能很難吧, 可能會很落迫. 沒有錢, 要不停換工作(因為一定無法有固定工作), 要找地方落腳睡覺. 想拿筆寫字的時候,是否找得到一張乾淨的紙. 找到紙是否有地方攤平它?
悲觀的人,不適合流浪,容易放棄.

好幸福啊, 房東大人看我一整天在家'埋头苦讀', 送了兩塊奶油蛋糕到我房間,感動不已. 只可惜吃的太快, 應該放在眼前多幸福一會兒的~~
從星期一晚上就開始後悔沒吃到arthur生日蛋糕的我,終於如願以偿(今天做夢應該不會再有巧克力蛋糕了). 想想考完時, 一定要開始減肥了.

畫畫與寫作一樣, 若不用'心',就畫不好. 下午交了功課後, 就開始畫畫. 想畫一張肖像畫給一個即將離開的朋友. 當你畫一個人時, 你會變得更了解她, 她眼睛的弧度, 眉間的距離與唇的張合. 這是與看照片不同的. 畫風景也一樣, 畫出的景色是屬於你的, 你想要與眼睛里看出的一樣也好, 或心中所想的也好, 取決於你. 而我往往享受兩者都不是的奇妙乐趣.

紅樓夢中襲人一句:
一百年還記得著呢!比不得你,拿我的話當耳邊風,夜裡說了,早起就忘了.

The day after tomorrow好看呀。 好像真的世界末日的Trailer, 天灾（天意）是人不可能逃过的。 人如果只是人，是什麽也办不到的。 有科技，有通讯，有火，有氧气，有食物才有可能勉强活久一点。在卫星上看地球，陆地山脉已经很渺小了，更不用说人了。 末日若真是这样说来就来,我应该是不怕的。 (但还是希望不要活着经历真正的世界末日)
Not all the people can keep their promises as Jack did to his son Sam, but I am sure God can do the same.
OH....if it is ice age or something.. not the end of the world...me should start to store more food on my shelf as well as on my body in case the day is near :P

好奇怪哦, 今天作了一次小"先知"。 Josh講道讓我想到那些以前在大學讀書偶爾會來unichurch的同學.不知他們畢業後會去哪一個教會.思想飄呀飄, 飄到一個很久很久沒有見到的朋友{有些朋友不見面,往往會在記憶中消失}.想到一個名字的諧音叫"天使"的人, 一年沒見了. "天使"住的地方有許多華人,一定有可以去的教會...... 數秒鐘後大家站起唱歌時,"天使"居然"飄"進我的視線.哇....能想到誰就能見到誰多好!!!

今天,讀皇冠第594期,是50周年的特刊. 平鑫濤寫此書的誕生與成長. 一直很喜歡其不庸俗的文字加上優雅的畫,以前也有我喜歡的三毛,劉墉... 平先生說台灣曾是一片文化沙漠-(他剛從上海到台北時),使我驚訝萬分. 從小讀的很多書,聽的歌,電視上哭哭鬧鬧的電影多半是從那裡來的. 也許,也許我們的國家真的將文化禁錮得太牢了, 文學創作總給我壓抑的感覺. 也許是我的浮淺無法理解, 現在讀到一些好的, 思維敏銳的也讓我漸漸改變偏見. 我很羨慕別人能擁有滿滿一屋書,也很羨慕別人能在書店圖書館工作, 也羨慕別人家的沙發和閑人的時間. 羨慕太多是不是貪婪?

Love God and trust in Him - trust His way is always the best way. Whenever you have doubt, think back to the "cross".
I have repeatedly questioned God's unmatchable plan and purpose for the mankind. But once again, if God was willing to send to His own son to die for us..there is nothing out there we can doubt about the love He has for us.

今天買了一個新鍋.認認真真地煮了我的午飯,站在鍋面前寸步不離,史無前例.

i am studying very very hard. ..see...
(Uncle told me that he works from 8am - 9:30pm this week and sleeps less than 4 hours.}

妈妈的记忆的确比我好,她能记得在我小时候和她在澳洲生活的点点滴滴，而我总是要在她提起后几秒后才稍微有些印象。 我的记忆真差，还好现在我有乱写乱记的习惯。昨天房东和我聊天，说你那朋友如何如何，我问哪个呀。“那个当时来陪你看房子，长的很明星像的那个” 。。。我的天，我的朋友都很明星像呢 :þ 又是一个记忆超强的人。（惨了，那就意味着我曾闯过的祸，她都记得~~）。
今天是六一儿童节，找不出理由可以过。 宜说，那你就别过了，反正你天天过得都像六一。。冤枉冤枉！！
夏蕾，从坎贝拉来了，来玩3天。（看，人家六一儿童节出游玩！）虽然她不是特地来看我的，但是我还是要去看她。

Language:
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Genesis 11:1
Now the whole world had one language and a common speech.
Genesis 11:6
The LORD said, "If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them.
Genesis 11:7
Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other."
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I am doing my research for translation subject while watching Mel's movie on tv tonight(xxx should study), one more thought come out of my mind. Why God created language both in verbal form and thinking form (口头表达形式与思维形式).
Besides this, the actions(speech acts as well as the intention of the speech) also carries out through language. So between thoughts and verbal acts, there must be a barrier that God purposely set. It is unnatural to cross over. God allows us to think quietly/secretly and not reveal everything to others. I think to some extend it is good. Somehow I do find that lots of misunderstanding occurs in our life is due to the lack of communication. If human can understand each other directly from what they think, or either you have to speak exactly what you think without editing beforehand. Would this world be much simpler? or chaos? God created language, and the whole purpose of language acquisition process is not for speech in fact but more importantly for thinking. not saying that speech acts are by-products but we should really make a good use of this ability. The more I think the more complex I see this world.

I firmly believe that I am unwillingly transmitting some brainwave to someone else, and in the case I am totally out of control. So far these signals are only one-directional. Undetectable from my side(ie, I do not have a build-in receiver).. therefore I can only say that "I am transmitting". I guess its pre-programmed into our genes, even subtler changes in my mind will be the cause of the unnecessarily interference.
Some questions were arised:
0.how this occurs?
1.so why do I believe that I am doing so if they are all coincidence?
2.can unknown evidence prove its existence?
3.is the other party aware of this?
4.or I am not the originator?
5.fraternal twins?
6.opening of my prefrontal cortex reveals my neural connections?
7.when will these links be pruned?
Well, time for me to head to bed now....

complain complain!! Have to work on this sat, next tuesday,thursday, saturday and sunday. Plus week 13's two assignments, two presentations and one final test and week 14's work. Now i am a superman who can run fast enough between uni and home and work and no need to sleep. alas, got to read the notes on the other browser now. ciao.

要一个政治白痴讨论：
1.政治/政策影响翻译的历史背景
2.政治言论的翻译技巧与实例
3.政治性文件翻译导致两国关系受影响
4.英系政治笑话的中文翻译
5.译者的政治倾向影响译作.
简直是。。。今晚12点之前要交稿！

无奈吾生性软弱，柔从若轻蒲，根治疾殊难, 孜孜矻矻之余, 仍偷暇提笔. 往往语焉不详, 言筌不落. 谢路人赏面阅读评论,缠邀留下大名,尊姓亦可.
(方才理解前人对匿名的看法,唉~~)

知道不可以吃辣的，但还是买了Kimchi回来，与乌东一起煮。 等到从房间出来时，闻到已经是刺鼻的焦味了。这个小锅不知曾被我烧糊过几次，因为真的很喜欢这个小锅，所以每次千心万苦地将它擦干净。其实，仔细看还是看得出烧焦的痕迹，也可能一直以来也习惯这锅底留着的隐隐焦味了吧。
只是这一次，不想去擦了。不是狠心把它丢掉，只是不愿再见它被铁丝圈磨擦，因为心会痛。
不该吃的东西，不吃也好。

穿着高高的鞋，在city走路，才发现就这么一点地方居然有5家starbucks，却没有一家店可以替换我口袋中用来付房租的日币。
星期天的街道，有些空旷，路变得很宽，走在上面觉得很自在。
很久很久来从来没有哪一个礼拜天不是不去教堂的。
今天，因为一点钟的group meeting所以不可以去中午的查经，但最终我选择了早上也不去。
其实我不用解释，没有人会相信我的解释。

躺在床上无法入眠，感觉与神分得很遥远很遥远。 已经不会祷告了，刚刚开始，但又怕昧心而终止了。神知道我心里所想的，不祷告也罢。思绪很混乱，也不知想什麽。 生命中，因自己的力不从心，放弃了许多, 如今已没有了兑现梦想的勇气。
好在神会看顾我，仅有的一点点希望都在他，让我有信心将路执著走下去。请你帮我祈祷，让我坚定，让我坚强。 我求的也只是这些。

早上上课，发呆，不小心睡着了,梦到某人从袋中掏出一支笔状的东西，一按，马上就像projector一样在空中投影.接着有windows的屏幕*，随时可用自己的电脑,wireless network.调取files....看过Minority Report的人一定不觉新奇. 只是觉得在将来这种电脑小到可以随身携带. 而且在空中打字, 没有嗒嗒嗒嗒声, 又省地方, 搬家也方便...啊..搬家!!!噩梦!后来, 又做了几个短小的梦. 醒来时, lecturer还在读屏幕上的notes,读得津津有味.
*（本人常用windows.做梦梦到的也是).
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今天无大事，天下太平。

從上周六 ﹐房東大人就開始大掃除﹐能丟則丟，把家裡弄到空蕩蕩的。大廳裡剩下三張很少有人坐的沙發﹐和一瓶花。 晚上一人在廚房切菜﹐只聽見四壁的回音﹐感覺在那種剛造好框架的建築工地﹐恐怖~~膽小的人自己嚇自己﹐匆匆抱著茶壺逃進睡房。房東今早告訴我﹐他們決定把這套單元賣了﹐周末是open inspection (當然包括我的房間)。 所以，我要在一周內將它整理到可以見人的樣子。 傷心傷心﹐我又要扔掉很多試圖保存的東西。想到不久后又要搬家，这么多家俱，书和衣服,头痛！ 我始终没有一个固定的家，实在不应再堆积那些牵绊我自由的杂物了.

At three this morning, my heater is ironically standing next to my fan. Chilliness that seemed endless at the time have just melted away yet coldness was still there, deep and abiding.
Truly truly I ask thee, when can I sleep if I don't want to stay?

where can I shelter if there is 45,509 bats flying around?

不喜欢时间的流失，不喜欢岁月的更变。
不想去面对未来，自己却在忙碌中写着自己的历史。

车上， G 说我做错了一些事。我无意的言语伤害了她，哪怕我的笑也被意会成其他意思，听后很害怕，自知不是很圆滑的人，本已经很恐惧周遭的人与事了，现在又多了一份胆怯。 每天都要见到人，无论是想见的抑或是不想见的，无所谓见到不见到的和想见又怕见的，提及已头晕晕了， 更不用说要与他们交谈。 从小就是话不多的人，有时实在是没话找话说才说的。 以前有一个好朋友，我俩在一起不说话也能很开心，看看对方，或对着傻笑。 今年回上海遇到她，我们坐在王家沙吃东西，她说她的男友前一天提出和她分手，唯一的理由是她的话太少，无法知道她心里在想什麽。 这是自她与汪分开后，多年来第一次交往，她说每次约会时看着对面的他听他讲话，已很幸福。突然间被放开，而且错在于她， 她有些想不明白。 叹息，她的美丽与她的爱情是这么的不称， 为什麽不去追问更多的理由，为什麽孤独一人？ 我没有问她。 我也没有答案。

不知为何想到她，为何将故事写下。漫无目的，悠晃在自己的世界。。。

Yesterday I went to play badminton with some church friends and met my classmates on the other court. Later, during the session I swapped to their court. One of the guys played very well even by using his left hand to compete with us. But sadly I overheard too much swear words from the girl next to me...and the shallow-joke between them.....well, that's what I call suffering.
Now I am preparing for the bible study I will lead tonight which is on Ephesians 5:1-21. I felt so lucky that I am surrounded by a group of Christians most of the time and I can always live in the light that shines forth from God.
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Eph 5:3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. 4Nor should there be obscenity foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. (NIV)
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Well, swearing still exists among our Christian. Last year I received a strange/rude sms message on my mobile from a friend. This person called me last week and tried to "clear things up", and he asked me not to be angry with him when he comes back to our church. I said I won't. As long as he can forget the bad thing happened to him I can forget too. If he can come back and listen to God's words. What a joyful thing it is!

今天我在找一样我丢失（不久）的东西-写过却被我删去的blog，无论我用什麽方法都无法寻回，其实它已存在记忆中，只是想有实体的证据罢了。

I wish I am an angel..I can drop happiness to others.
I wish I am an angel..I don't need to have human feelings...
Just the frail happiness I hold.

刚才在楼下对着我那被撞坏的单车车轮又踩又踢，想把它踢回原来的形状，脚都被划破了，满手弄得黑黑的，还是不行。看来又要重新换一个轮子。 换轮子的花费已超过车的价钱。。。可是舍不得丢呀，毕竟它跟了我七年了。。。我是男生就好了，力气会大很多，一定能把它踢回原状！
郁闷，直好上楼继续看书了！

Dear Heavenly Father, thanks for everything you did and doing for us. Thanks for listening to our prayers and I am so glad that Jane finally can come to mbf's seminar. Please open her heart and let her to know you. Please help us to talk to them(new christian) wisely and sincerely.
Also thanks for providing Manda the job interview next wednesday. I really wish she could work on campus so she can have more time to serve you.
Pray that I can have more opportunities to talk to Danni, share my belief with her.
And dear God, you know every single thought of me. You know what I am lacking. Please help me to stand firm in you till the end.
上帝，我将我的一切，我的未来较在您手里，让我能一直仰赖您。

My landlord Iris was robbed by a Caucasian boy at the intersection of Gardeners Road and Houston Road 4:30 this afternoon.The little boy dragged her into the driving lane at the back of our building. Her handbag was scattered into pieces after 5 mins battle, her right face was hit by him as well. Lucky, the neighbourhood dog started to bark loudly and the boy ran away and shouted "bloody woman!".
Well, he didn't expect Iris would be that strong to hold her bag for so "long" and he might think it was such an easy task to rob a Asian woman.
4:30pm! I cannnot believe this did happen. I was walking on the same street half hour later than her(peacefully listening to my walkman). The sun was still up, heaps men and women on the street as well as cars... Poor Iris, she is still so frightened and decide to leave Australia..meanwhile she has to get a new bag for work.. and it will be a big backpack bag... sigh.. she used to tell me not to walk on the small street but we cannot safely walk on the main street during daytime now. I hate this.

As scott mentioned in his article, slashdot has a forum thread on topic "What Happens To Your Data When You Die?". I did think about it *seriously* this morning. Unlike the rest of thing I will leave in this world which might be given away for different purpose.I guess the data hiden in my pc won't be appealing to anyone or useful to write "the secret life of jieni" since I am not famous. Meanwhile I'm more worry about "What Happens To You When Your Data Die?". Imagine one day the cables lay underneath the ocean break, the satellites not longer operate or just the electricity black out. How would I survive? Well, I might just accept the fact like when I went to myc->a week without my computer. *blink blink* Is there any similarities between myc and heaven?

How Evil is the window's explorer????
I just finished typeing up my notes of today's CBS on the blogger window.. and it's gone!!! arghhh!!!

眼泪不是虫茧，不能一天一天去建造；
眼泪不是潮水，不会说来就来地涌出；
But the emotional cocoon that she was building around herself was just about to come crashing down, do you remember?
你以为？不能理解别人的感受，就不要轻易去评价。

第一次遇到T.L.是Year 1他来旁听R.B的课， 我与丹妮坐在教室的后面。 当我们正高兴地拿出两个桔子剥到一半时， 提姆便在同一排右边坐下，我们赶紧将桔子藏到桌下。。。他一坐就是一节课，害得我双手冰冻地握了一小时的桔子。 从此，他就被我们叫做“桔子”。今天，丹妮毕业，有幸与他合照。他问我何时真正毕业。 不晓，恐怕。。。

才写了几行字，就有8个问号，重重地叹气。 不写了，还是忙着写功课好，不会东想西想。
考完试，要找一人好好问问。毕业后，把一家一当都变卖掉（护照要留），去很远的地方，在那里住下，学烧菜，学钢琴。。。还要狠狠地睡觉。

Another busy day passed by, I spent yesterday and today's precious time on trying out different "reminder" software. Downloaded "power notes" which will expire in 14 days.. and some other crap ones, can't be bother to metion them(well, webcalender seems fun but not quite what I want). Bought APC magazine because I caught a glimpse of the word "zoneAlarm" on the CD content. Thought it might be the one has alarm function, but ended up with a useless personal firewall program(since I won't use it).
................................................
Our group has been scheduled to have a debate with another team on friday's seminar but I cannot find my other 2 team members.. frustrating.. am I going to debate on my own?
Thanks Carol for sending me 1mb reading material which will keep my night busy.
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Got a box of Korean noodle from dear Vivian.She cooked this morning and it was so nice... (was<- I ate it although I had dinner before focus team).Don't know what to say.. Vivian has 5-6 months pregnancy and is still taking care of us.I said to myself I will cook for her or take care of her when her tummy got big but I cannot even look after myself well under stress. sigh..
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back to study!

没劲没劲， 全天下的人都blog得如此深奥， 我看也看不懂。（今天，发现提姆，兰伯特的blog, Lecturer也写blog。。。晕） 晓荼也加了中文部落格，还有artoo..他们都可以写很长很长的文字。。。我的为什么写不长呢？

有时只想记一些零碎小事在这里，大事会写日记，有的连日记里都不记， 怕老了死了（掉了）后，被人拿来读。 心里的秘密，只有神知道。
我每天都会开电脑， 我的IE上有Blogger的Toolbar. 所以常把它用来当notepad. 在不同的电脑上都可以看到我的bookmark. 我又可以少用一点大脑。

你执起你的火柴， 一路走着， 典当着你所有的东西。
手紧紧握着，小心翼翼。有人跟你说它能取暖， 你说我知道， 只是我的火柴积存太久，无法自燃。你说，我在寻找我的火源， 找到了我就不再寒冷。
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戈莫说，对不起，请让开，这是我的树。 它的弧度，正适合我的背脊，它的树叶正好帮我挡去阳光。 这里不吵不闹，正好让我读书。
求你，我没有其他地方可以去了。
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卡说, 多少年来， 我一直没有变, 我用超过爱我生命的爱来爱他.
我爱着的就是这样一个无药可救的人.
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言语是胶囊外的糖衣，
帮你把苦咽下去.

前一天，听到某某与某某即将走在一起，很开心。但有人提醒我不要瞎起哄，不要好好好，我支持你们！ 他们的决定一定要经过深思熟虑的。好吧，我先收起我的兴奋。。。哈哈，还是很开心。。。。（嗯。。又不是自己。。如果是自己。。一定是趴在床上笑的爬不起了。）
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上星期陪她去开刀的那个朋友，昨天告诉我她去复诊了，一切都好。 上帝保佑，那医生没开错地方，大幸大幸！ 她拉着我的手臂，轻轻问我愿不愿意做她的干妹妹。。 哈哈， 又开心了。。。

The heaviness of my body.
Really really sad that I had experienced this nightmare during past 10 mins. (again in this month).
Incapable of crying out, incapable of controlling of my phyiscal body while awake,which being pulled apart from my thoughts and soul. I am not going to write about it because I have recorded so many times before. This time I know the exact duration because I just set my alarm clock before bed.
Reminder :
- Good to leave a light on in the room.
- Never stay up after 3am, because it is a not-so-good way to suicide.
Question: If we gonna leave our physical body on earth after we die, what kind of pain we get from the eternal fire? (the earth could be the centre of the Hell?) (Fire and worm just a symbol right?)

I am so blessed that I can attend cbs every week during my university life. I am so blessed that I moved to Kingsford after year 2. This saves 2-3 hour travelling each day and allows me have more time to study, sleep and go to church. We prayed for our MBF's extra bible study during Growth Group yesterday. Pray that Christ will strengthen us and help us to share His words with others. Everything is according to His will and established in Love.
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I walked home with a big smile on my face (8pm on a dark street so no one will see). Surely I am happy. Not the two bowls of Laksa I had today, not the enlightenment from cbs but something NoT new under the sun. ( you can trace the four letter on above passage :P).
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N gave me a hazelnut icecream today during the lunch, I accepted without doubt again... I am hopeless. Anyone can seduce me with delicious food at anytime.

Fixed! The problem with my pc was just the power supply - which converts AC to DC for the operation of a computer. It was too old and I guess too dusty as well. On the way to the computer shop, I dropped my computer box twice, except from the scratches on the external case, the RAM sticks shifted their places(and the little cooling fan on the motherboard is not working). When I turnt it on, my computer can only detect 64MB (of 256MB). So tested again and again for each stick in different receptacle. Now they works perfectly! So my pc is saved from the fate of formatting.
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UNSW singapore campus , officially starts in 2007? Wonder how many students will still go unsw sydney at that time.

My computer broke down without a sign.
Thanks scott for getting my files out of my hard disk. Just copied them onto school machine therefore I can continue writing my assignment. For the rest of the week, i will not be able to use my own pc.
This is the first tragedy happen to me on my own computer....( I have broken down many many others but not my own :P).... Actually someone just reminded us to backup our files this afternoon during bible study. We can never ever put our faith in this little "evil" box.. its evilness tempted me to open it everyday and glued me in front of it. And it made life soooooo miserable when I come to think about it losing it...
Sitting in the heavily air-polluted computer lab now..tired and sleepy...really wish I can be home...

Spent whole morning trying to convert my html file to pdf format therefore my assignment can be printed out nicely on cse printer.(no acrobe writer) So I installed pdfedit995 and pdf995 and download this and that.. just didn't work... i even planned to pick up LateX...Tell me about it. ftp to uni, type command then ftp back to see? I gave up. Until late late afternoon, when I searched my cds for some fast music, I came cross my old backup disc which has old version of HTMLDOC(www.easysw.com) in it!!!!! lalalala....
well, I still have a thousands of words essay to accomplish by tomorrow :P

不要开学，没有功课，我是仙人~~
仙人今晚要熬夜写report~~

Stayed in Prince of Wales Hospital whole day with a friend for her operation on a cyst. The surgery doctor came 4 and half hour after the appointment time. I was so sleepy while waiting so I swapped with her and slept on her bed. I suddenly realised why patient is called "patient"...

church camp 2004 @ Fotopic.Net
I took some random photos during the camp. Photos record our past. Wish years later, I can still recognise all those faces.
Isaiah 40:31
Those who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.

Sometimes our hearts ache for someone dear to us or just ourselves who are in real need of God's love, forgiveness,peace or any of the wonderful gifts God promises. We pray earnestly and see no results. It is so easy to give up because we cannot wait and rest in Him. But God has his own timing, may we be encouraged to continue to wait on the Lord and be prepared. We may not as fortunate as some others who can see the answer to their prayers, but God will help us to have faith in him.

你写的东西， 我用我的方式去理解， 去转译；之后也只有我能读懂，我也不会告诉你， 告诉你就不好玩了， 只有在不某而和中才有乐趣， 对吗？（玩心太重， 是不好的。）
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幸福的时候，总希望时光静止，因为它太短暂。 天国很美好，但不一定有相同的片刻。
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Church camp 的第一天，吃早餐时，与Judy坐在一起， 倒了咖啡被她看见。 不让我喝。 跑去倒了牛奶给我， 还有果汁。。感动了半天。
另一人替我喝掉了那一杯咖啡，说好喝。可是我的咖啡一定很苦，因为没有糖。
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Bushdancing 很热闹，这么多人在一个屋檐下同时跳舞。
有幸与“Dancing-king“跳了一次舞，跳完， 那支舞便结束了。
和Art，Earnest 也跳了舞。 还被Judy拍了下来，很惨又被她笑。
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周日，5点多醒，去看日出。 走出life advanture site，看到了别人的小农庄。 一个人在没有人的公路上走了很久。 感觉很特别，因为是早上，一点也不怕。 往回走时遇到一个CCC男生， 他从Merroo穿过重重bush来到我们这边。 迷了路， 看见我们的房子以为绕回了他自己的Church camp。 我给他指了方向，于是他拿着他那根木杖继续按原路走回去。很佩服此人，上帝保佑他能安全返回。
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晚上做梦，梦到s在她的日记上记她的感受。和我的竟然一样，梦中的我很感动，也很难受。 她的内心，也是我不懂的。 我们两个人都彼此隐藏得很好。
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早上4点33分，上铺一阵剧烈震动，随着一串呢喃梦话。。接着又是寂静。。过一会儿又听到有人磨牙。。嘿嘿。。。时间还早可以继续睡。
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V是刚刚来的一个女孩,她有一个双胞胎的妹妹在上海. 很文静的一个女生.我也在mbf有两年了,应该学着照顾新来的人了.
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与Sandra沟通不多,总是被她照顾,不懂如何关心她.
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GG永远那么可爱. 那我早睡,她悄悄地爬上我的床,亲了一下我的脸颊. 然后,又爬去yang的床..
让我想起了小时候.
很喜欢荡秋千,梦想以后的家也有这样一片后院,有秋千,可以荡得很高,看到很远的山谷. 有风有云,有好听的鸟叫,而且荡多久头也不会晕.
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如果没有感情的困扰与纠缠,生活一定会变得简单很多. --- 2004.4.13

我会计较你眼神注视的方向, 抬头若触不到你的眼光, 我的心会黯淡.所以,我选择不抬头,不看你,这样你也伤不了我.我的确是在逃避, 逃避一个内心挣扎的我.

舅舅在整理家中的东西. 光是久枝的已有十几箱. 我喜欢的那一橱名画书集,也许会被贱卖掉. 就算他帮我寄过来, 我也不一定有地方安置它们. 更何况毕业后,我身在何处我自己也不知道. 未来的路也许会很长, 现在的心境有些浮躁,洗过澡洒了一些甜甜香味的perfume, 放上enya的<水印>. 希望能尽快清醒.

I haven't watched TV for days... really missed it but I will leave for church camp during the easter break. (cannot carry it). I will bring some electronic stuff I guess like last time - kettle,camera,discman and recharger. No hair dryer and heat blanket b'coz it is not myc...not cold... And just saw the room allocation maps today.. 16 girls in one room! I guess I haven't slept with so many since kindergarten age. Feel like I am really going to a "camp". Fun ! Fun!
Something will be challenging during the camp is how to deal with the relationship with others. In the past week or so ( or years?), I tend to lock up myself.... I found hard to talk to others... my verbal ability hit its low limitation. Now I have to force myself to see and live with others.
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Tracy will come tomorrow and join us to the camp.
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Wahh, saw albert tonight! He waved to someone in my classroom! (who?)
I was stunned by that....

每一次我将我未来的期盼用肯定式过早的讲出来后，它们总会变成灰烬，仿佛在嘲笑我对现实的乐观和幼稚。

forever and forever.

crow.JPG
Dan, you are wonderful painter (v 7).

Reasons that I hide my identity on the net:
(Note: a fixed nickname is differ from hiding identity.)
1) Nicknames are fun, can change it whenever I want.
2) Real name represents my outer shell. When I take off that shell, I don't want others to hurt me or being hurt.
3) Don't want others recognize me - simple.

For people has interest in reading public blog and forum, they don't care who you are, they get what they want and go. At that time, your name is just an invariant.

4) So like the Parable of the Sower,"they may indeed see but not perceive, and may indeed hear but not understand".
5) Sometimes just NO need to let others know who I am.
6) Could be lacking confidence or avoiding responsibility.

It is really dangerous to talk on a mobile phone while driving, but most people doesn't realise it or care about it. As long as it is legal in Australia. I saw a lady killed a bicycle boy because of typing sms message when she was on the road. A lapse in concentration while driving can kill. My old mobile has "auto answering in the car" function. The person on the other end may not know what situation you are in, so please do not answer or just tell them. Involving in a car accident will take much longer time than calling back afterwards...
Just a reminder...b'coz ust had a 5 mins conversation with someone who was driving....

One moment, you're defeated

你躲在画室里， 不敢出来。却又画不好画， 心烦呀。手上的黑色抹得到处都是，音乐听来也心烦， 把纸上的人眼圈涂呀涂。。。。。 浓浓地淹没了眼白。

James 1:12Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. 13Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am being tempted by God," for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. 14But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. 15Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.
16Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. 17Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.[4] 18Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.

Very interesting day today.
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One of my friend's ex-bf, called my name loud in Qaud and talked for a while; Then an hour later. When we(me and his ex) walked towards him, he pretended he didn't know us. Why people always hurts each other? I mean why he hurts her??? Does he feel happy by doing so? I don't think anyone will love him as much as her do in this world. I said this.
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Ivy from my bible study group, told me the reason why she got baptised at the beginning of this year in tw.
Her mum actually told her story ....and let me to rephrase it now.
Allen just finished his HSC. After a long waiting, the UAI mark was out and he got his offer from UNSW. One day, while he was walking on the street he picked up a wallet and he sent it to the police office. The officer asked him to record down his name and information. Allen wrote down his name and school name which is UNSW.
The police officer finally found the owner of the wallet. The wallet was very important to the owner...He felt he had to thank A for his honesty. So he looked up Allen's detail....hummm ..UNSW.... so the owner contacted UNSW, and tried to find Allen. But Allen's name is nowhere in UNSW students' database. Because Allen hasn't enrolled yet !!!
Ok... the metaphor of this story is that baptism is like the enrollment. The certificate shows you are in God's kingdom.
hummm.. that's what I have heard from Ivy.... Just a new interpretation of why we should get baptised.
I thought I got baptised on a valentine day, but I wasn't in water.. am I really baptised?
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Scotty gave us a talk on "if God is love, why hell?"
I am afraid of fire and worms. I definitively don't want to go there. But do I remember this when I induldge in worldly happiness? I fear God, because He is rightous.
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Talked about worm/insects... Yang used her hand to pick a live cockroach and released it back to ground (lucky u,little qiang!) ..... yeeek...
but i felt guilty when I think back...we have no right to kill them.
3 ants are 3 lives.
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Henry said I look/talk/act exactly same as his friend in guangdong.. are we twins??
Need to find out.
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J.Wu got sued finally. I forebode that he will get himself out of the court case pretty soon.
But I really wish this fraud can get punished of what he did.
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Whale cannot speak English but loves warm Australian sea.
Tata is cruel, she loves fishing.
Whale says do not kill me, you can ride on me and I will show you the world.
Tata is cruel, love fishing is her nature.

Bought a new discman which can play mp3/mpeg.Therefore I can listen to hundreds songs without switching around cds.. that's so cool...it is time for retirement of my old MD player...
Am I in the wrong sequence? Most of people have cd-player earlier than md. But I have been using MD for 5 years but never owned a diskman...hummm...

You say: "I can't forgive myself"
God says: I Forgive you (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

You say: "I'm afraid"
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear
(II Timothy 1:7)

You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated"
God says: Cast all your cares on ME
(I Peter 5:7)

You say: "I don't have enough faith"
God says: I've given everyone a measure of faith
(Romans 12:3)

You say: "I'm not smart enough"
God says: I give you wisdom
(I Corinthians 1:30)

有没有听过冰块在热水中爆裂的声音？

有时候， 离奇的事乖张的人在真实生活中是不可能存在的。 如果我们把真实生活定义为所谓的物理时空的话。 超现实(surreal)的东西只有被画在画布上或被“第5代“导演拍成电影后才去承认它， 并将之归近艺术。但是为什么它们给我们如此大的震撼呢？ 那种不断膨胀的沙漠及空洞，干涸的压抑， 脚碰不到底的轻飘， 五光十色的炫澜你是否似曾相识？你认为这只是一种感觉， 就如刚喝完一杯度数不高的酒后的感觉， 你还在怀疑时这感觉已消失了。 所以， 你说， 它不曾存在过。
在我们这个时代成长的人，经历了很多。 我是指二十多年前被生在中国的那些人。 这一代人感觉没有什么东西是固定的，精神非常脆弱，追求着某些境界，有时连颓废也迷恋。 心灵很容易被伤害，破碎的程度自己都看不见。主流社会里根本没有他们的声音，偶尔会引来一些关注罢了。他们摇摆不定，没有人在乎他们的灵魂和肉体在
不在一起，反正他们自己也不在乎。
但是， 生活终归是生活，就像三色冰淇淋总是只有香草草莓与巧克力一样， 生活有它固定的模式；有些人一点一点每一种味道分开尝，有些人偏食（包括绝食），有些人故意混着一起吃。
然而，厂家知道，其实只有色素与香精的不同。

I always found encourgament when I listen to P. Jenson's tape. Again, it's God's words which make me realise my spiritual dryness.

Tata hasn't slept for last 42 hrs. Just trying to prove what she has babbled today. She indeed does not like sleep . She shows no sympathy to her non-stopping pumping heart. She wishes she could never need to rest. The implicit message is to alternate her sleep with her one third precious life time. If she sleeps, she will enter another world. This world is like a prototype of thousands discrete moment of the earthly world, sometime like the rubbish bin of the cut pieces of a film. Perplexing and ugly raw. Tata used to sleep with all lights on to avoid seeing those Satan like ghosts appear in her room. Poor girl...and she still fears. She knows she could call up Lord's name to defeat them, but will she have the "verbal ability" to call Him that time?

Lene Marlin - A Place Nearby

The distance between Kingsford and Parramatta has never been that far. I bursted into William's flat after an hour and half of travelling. Started raining outside. He was on the phone with his sister, then he passed the phone to me. His sister asked me why I didn't visit them while I was in shanghai. Scratchy feeling suddenly came out of from my back. I had a huge quarrel with mum due to the fact I didn't want to visit her on that particular night. (Visiting each relative and friend is compulsory during the spring festival no matter how unwilling I am). Stubborn me could still remember that mum almost had heart attack that time. Then I promised to myself, I would never ever does this kind of thing to mum. no excuse to argue with her at any time.
But this year , again i broke my promise once.
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Bought some chinese food which are very rarely seen in kingsford.
A kind of soy product and is made into thin slice... "bai ye"->"hundred pages" ?? hahah.. Then I tried to cook it with golden mushrooom. Nothing to add except salt. Cannot go out for the missing ingredients b'coz still raining. Aarghhh, I got a tube of Wasabi in the fridge. Brilliant!!!!!
...
10 mins later, you can see me drinking water with tears in my eyes..

Just came back from MBFri Seminar: The God That is Not. Tim spoke very clearly on why we shouldn't worship God as worship idols.
Acts 17:24"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. 25And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else.
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There arose a question after the talk: if God created everything, Didn't he create our mind/thought? If so, does He have 100% control of what we are thinking?
Again, if He can control everything, why He allowed us sin at the first place? <- back to the question I asked before.
Lots lots discussion on the way home with Sandra and Amanda...thinking is good for me :)

I woke up by 1 phone call, 1 sms message and 1 msn "offline" msg this morning. The last one is actually from my father. As all the msn users know that msn doesn't have offline msg function. Now you can figure out what happened. So I blamed my brian dysfunction on the mircrowave radiation emissions from mobile. Sigh, too much blaming to remember what the message was.
~
My feckless pleas
echo forever unuttered.

i am happy! hope it lasts !

I did a fitful sleep last night, woke up by the shining sun. Think again that I am in sydney and I am alone. Everything was seared away in one blazing instant of fear. Faced with the bleak hollowness of a world. Why did I come back so early? But what can I do if I stay there? Am I able to take all those responsibilities?
Like the film i recently watched, I always believe that I am haunted by a curse which destines me to fail in every family relationship or reach out for help from nowhere. (Very ironic is that I am a christian. I have to encourage myself from the other point of view. Nothing is predictable except our far future. And where is my favourite verse in bible 'do not worry...'? ) sigh, uncle, I gave you my unrealistic future plan but that's the only thing keep me going. I am tired and exhausted at the age of 24.
well,I have to struggle to get up.

"a plank that reaches no where."

Roman Christian who according to tradition was martyred during the persecution of Christians by Emperor Claudius II. Another martyr named Valentine, who was bishop of Terni, a region in present-day central Italy, has also been suggested as the inspiration for our modern feast of Saint Valentine's Day.

Bought HP Pentium4 a450a(512MB,80GB) desktop and 17'' LG LCD monitor with canon MPC190 multifunctional printer(copier and scanner) for auntie shelley today. Come with DVD RW/CD RW,TV turner card,128MB memory stick,internal modem, ethernet, 6 USB ports ,2 Firewire ports,optical mouse...PLus lots of good software like the Encarta 2004 ... only $2300 in total!!!
HP is a big brand, but i never know it is so popular in australia. 80% stocks in harvey norman/officework are hp's (desktop only).
And they also offer a matched set consisting of wood frame TFT/LCD monitor and wood keyboard. @_@ forgot to take a photo of it.

Updated my Window system from Microsoft Web Site due to the virus alert on NINE news and the all process including installation took me about 4 hours to complete. I have the old version of Norton but the updating function is not working.. need to find something to protect my pc.
And also on news: government considers cat-free suburbs in ACT. All cats should be out of sight on the street.. the reason they give is that cats kill too much birds. Really ?How come I never saw any hyper-active cats on the street catching wildlife? Arent they just insterested in the packed cat food? On the other hand, what do they expect cat's nature is?
well, the government believes 50% of the canberra residents will agree this....